Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"What do you do all day?"

Nothing gets under my skin like those six words. Those words make me want to cut a bitch.

When I am asked that question, the hair goes up on my back and I instantly feel defensive. I always scramble through my thoughts, grasping for the right words to try to properly convey how much I actually do during the day, and also let the person know, subtly, how inappropriate that question really is. I don't know that I have ever really gotten it right because I'm always so flustered and taken off guard when I hear those words.

I understand that some people are not in tune with my world and can't imagine filling a day if not under the structured regime of the workday, but some people? Some people should just know better.

My HUSBAND should know better...

This morning Steve agreed to care for Ruby while I got ready and went for a jog before he went to work (yay me!). He had her on the couch and was just starting to give her a bottle when he asked me to turn on the TV for him.

I said: I'd really rather the TV not be on all the time. Ruby doesn't need it.

He said: Well I'd like to watch the news.

I said: Ok, fine. But afterwards I'm shutting it off. It doesn't need to be on all day. There's nothing on during the day that I need to see, it's just a distraction. I just don't want Ruby to grow up being *addicted to it.

He said: You don't watch TV? What do you do all day then?


This from a man who comes home on his lunch break to have lunch ready and waiting for him (I'm actually a little embarrassed about that). He comes home after work to his dinner usually ready to eat, and if not then at least prepared and ready to go or in the process of cooking. The floors are clean (although he wouldn't notice). The house is clean. The baby is fed and happy and clean. There is food in the fridge. He gets to walk in, have a shower, sit down to dinner, then put his feet up and WATCH TV.

So I get all prickly and pissed off about his comment and he claims I took it the wrong way.

Actually, no I didn't. I KNOW how he meant it. He cannot imagine a whole day at home without at least 75% of it being spent glued to the TV on some stupid fucking sports show. He would NEVER think to wipe the spilled milk off the coffee table, or prepare dinner ahead of time. He doesn't see the dust on the shelves and he doesn't see the dirt on the floor (which he tracked in because he didn't take his shoes off). He thinks that food magically appears in the fridge and he would never think of walking to the store to pick up needed items. Hell, he wouldn't think of walking anywhere unless maybe it was through 18 holes with a golf bag over his shoulder. And as for caring for Ruby.... he thinks it's ok to plunk her down in front of the TV for as long as he feels like it.

So I didn't take his comment the wrong way. I know what he was thinking. It still pisses me off.

And I still want to cut a bitch.

Hey, at least he gave me some fuel to burn up during my jog.

*I'm not against the TV totally. I just don't think we need it on ALL DAY. Ruby is already mesmerized by it and I'd rather she did other things when possible.


Emily said...

Uh oh. Not a wise husbandly/fatherly comment to make. Do you need your own version of The Day The Women Went?

A girlfriend once had enough and booked a weekend away and left her husband with their 6 month old and a list of things that need to be done. He was a changed man when she got home.

I think I would fly into a RAGE if husbando said that to me. You sound like you were furious but totally together!

Alicia said...

The amount of things they don't see is simply breathtaking. Besides selective memory and selective hearing, they also wear blinders. Every morning I walk into the kitchen and see 1) sugar spilled all over the counter 2)coffee grinds on the floor NEXT to the garbage can 3)some form of liquid dripping DOWN the garbage can 4) mud/dirt/leaves tracked through the house 5)crumbs all over the counter (including on my laptop) and 6) drawers not fully closed or cabinets left ajar. And every morning, I clean these things up before my day even starts.


annacyclopedia said...

It is a frick-fracking miracle he is walking around with his manhood intact.


noswimmers said...

Oooh....Steve is in TROUBLE! I'm with Anna, I'm surprise his manhood is still intact. (Wait, you didn't mention that...it IS, right??)

Maybe you should take a day and sit on your ass in front of the TV. Don't make his stupid ass lunch or dinner. Then again, you'd just have more work to do the next day, right?

*sigh* men.

Just Jen said...

These comments are hilarious!!!

All of them prove a very validating point... Men just don't get it.

Emily said...

SOMEONE (Steve) was not THINKING. Gabe 'doesn't think' alot. I think you should leave Ruby with him for 3 nights. Alone. Nothing bad will happen, he loves her. Take off. Go to the Okanagan, wine tasting this fall or something. Do it. He will learn. (and he will be sorry). Let him on his Golf Trip ONLY if he allows you a weekend-er soon. Seriously. Ruby will be fine (although I know you'llk worry) but he is a big boy and quite obviously needs to learn the hard way.

I fully intend to fo this to Gabe at one point.

Femme au Foyer said...

I do find the TV to be rather vexing so I get what you're saying about having it on all the time. I think it's much more peaceful to have no "noise" than TV noise.

Your post made me realize that I am nowhere near as together as you are. I'm lucky if I can get the grocery situation squared away every week and my husband goes out for lunch every day. In addition, I kept the housekeeper that my husband had before we were married and we usually have dinner around 8:30--well after the baby is in bed. To add insult to injury, you write way more blog posts than I do.

I'm serious--I don't know how you do it.

Aurelia said...

One day, you really do need to just do nothing.

Let him walk in with the none of your usual things done. Don't make lunch or dinner, and don't clean up, and don't do his laundry. Do the minimum with Ruby, but for just one day if he walks in and she is crying and wearing dirty clothes and has a dirty face, really, it will show him something.

When he walks in for lunch hand him the baby and silently walk away. Same for dinner. Ask him what he is cooking.

(Make sure you unplug a cable on the TV, so he can't just start watching and pretend nothing is happening.)

Also be out of groceries and beer. Hide them at your Moms if necessary.

If he asks whats going on, just say, "well you wanted to know what I do all day. Today, I didn't do any of it."


In all seriousness, my husband has never come home to that scene ever. Unless the nanny does it. My kids are happy and loved and fed, but they are rarely clean and the house is only clean if I hire someone. He knows that if I cook dinner, it's an okay meal but pretty basic. He is the gourmet. So he cooks dinner a lot. and then does all the dishes, and wet swiffers the floor before bed.

And lunch? If I ever made my husband lunch he would kiss my ass then ask if an alien had taken over my body.

Steve should worship the ground you walk on.

Can you come be my wife?

eden said...

You had me at "cut a bitch". Fuck how I love that saying!

Dave is your husbands twin, fyi.

Can you be Aurelia's wife AND my wife? :)