Well, it went down. The overnighter. And I'm happy to report it was a success.
Not to say it wasn't hard. It was. REALLY HARD (for me). But just because it was hard doesn't mean that it wasn't right. Because I think it was right.
I spent the day at my moms with Ruby and everything was fine and I was feeling pretty ok about leaving until my dad came home from work and he picked her up and she totally made strange with him. She started bawling. I mean, tears-squirting-out-of-her-eyes bawling. It made my stomach roll. She's never done that before. Yes, she's made a little bit of strange with people before but never to that extent.
So after we got her straightened up and happy again, she went down for a nap. I had to leave by 4pm to make it to pick Steve up from work on time but I did NOT want to leave her when she was sleeping (see this post) because I didn't want her to wake up and her mommy be gone. But she woke up just in time for me to kiss and hug her goodbye and then I gave her to my mom. As I put my hand on the door knob, she started to pout. And I started to cry and thought about cancelling the whole thing - but I knew if I didn't do it now, I might never be able to do it, ever. So I told her I loved her and ran out the door (Christ, you'd think I was leaving the country). My dad made fun of me as I left.
As I drove the 45minutes to Steve's work, I cried and worried and had a big old anxiety attack while my brain when into overdrive, thinking of all the terrible things that could happen while she was away from me. When Steve got in the car, he saw the state I was in and called my mom to see how Ruby was doing.
She was fine. She was laughing and playing in her jumperoo and giggling at Lexi the German Shepherd.
So I felt better.
And then I started to relax a bit.
Steve and I went out for a beer. Then to dinner at a restaurant that we used to go to once in a while before we were parents. And we had a really great time. Of course, we spent a lot of time talking about Ruby and looking at pictures of her on our cell phones but that's ok. We talked and laughed and really enjoyed each other's company. And I think we really needed it, because lately it's been kind of... luke warm between us. We both admitted the next day that we had a fantastic time and that it felt kinda good to be able to have a night together, just the two of us. And it's done wonders for our relationship (so far anyways).
I will admit I didn't get a great sleep though. I was up at 4:15am wondering if Ruby was awake and having a bottle of milk? (She was.) And then I was up at 5am to pump milk. And then I couldn't sleep in because I was so anxious to go get Ruby!
And when we did go pick up Ruby, she was happily bouncing in the jumperoo, smiling away. And she was totally annoyed by the smothering of kisses and hugs she got from me when I snatched her up!
My mom said she was the perfect baby while I was gone. No fussing. No crying. Went to bed easily at 8pm on the dot (her usual bedtime). She napped well. She laughed lots. And I could tell that she totally connected with my mom. She kept an eye on her all the time and always had a smile for her. And that makes me feel good.
SO.... in summary.... I'm glad I did this. Now, when I have a wedding or a concert to attend (or just need a break) this summer, I will be able to do so and feel comfortable with Ruby staying overnight at Grandma's house. I am glad that I fought my own issues and personal demons to do something that might have been a little outside of my comfort zone, but definitely not the wrong thing to do.
It was good for everyone involved (except maybe my dad whose feelings were pretty hurt that Ruby continued to play strange with for the rest of the weekend).