Thursday, March 25, 2010

28 week comparison

Just for fun, I thought I would compare pictures of me at 28 weeks pregnant.

And by "fun" I mean to say that I enjoy torturing myself by obsessing about my weight and appearance and then putting pictures of myself on display and opening it up to world to comment and torture me further...

I didn't weigh myself throughout my pregnancy with Ruby and as I've mentioned probably no less than twenty-seven times, I gained 68lbs. Because I didn't weigh myself as I went along, I have nothing to compare with this time around. Thus far in my current pregnancy I've gained 27lbs. I would think (hope and pray, beg the Gods) that I am not going to gain another 41lbs in the next 12 weeks. So I *THINK* I'm doing alright - or at least better. I know one thing for a fact, and that is that there have been considerably less cheesecake slices consumed to this point.

Still, I needed to post the two pictures so I could look at them, compare them, pick them apart, dissect them, obsess over them.

The angles are slightly different so that doesn't help but I think, I *THINK* my face looks slimmer with #2. Also it may be a different bra, but my boobs look smaller too - a fact that Steve has also noticed and commented on. I like to think my ass looks smaller too but that could be the difference between jeans and black pants. I'm also apparently doing a better job of makeup application than I was 18 months ago...

Pregnancy #1

Pregnancy #2

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

28 Weeks

With 12 weeks left to go, I suppose I should start getting organized for Junior’s arrival. Currently his bedroom looks like a good place to film the next episode of “Hoarders”. I'm expecting A&E to call me any day now.

While we did move the spare bed and computer desk out, we have been using that room as a dumping ground for items that we don’t have a place for and/or that we don’t want Ruby getting her little hands on.

I did buy a piece of art to hang on his wall that is, according to both my parents, too harsh for a baby’s room. No, it’s not teddy bears and fire trucks - it's definitely not made for a baby's room, but it's got some edge and it's different. Not to say he won’t have teddy bears or fire trucks – I just want to decorate the room a little less traditional. It’s got great colors in it that I can decorate a room around.

I also bought him a 3-pack of t-shirt onesies the other day. My mom bought him a onesie and a pair of jeans. Other than that (and a few neutral hand-me-downs from Ruby), the boy has nothing.

I’m wondering if anyone who has any experience with having kids this close together could weigh in here and give some advice on what I can get away with NOT buying.

I was planning on keeping the boy in a bassinet in our room for the first 3 months like we did with Ruby. By that time Ruby will be 21 months old. I was hoping that at that time I could get her a big girl bed and give the boy her crib. I have to buy her a bed eventually anyways and it would be nice if I didn’t have to buy another crib AND a bed. Is 21 months too young for a toddler to be in their own bed???

Also, I have the Quinny travel system. Complete with the car seat and stroller. I’ve also got a little convenience stroller that I use for the mall and such. I was going to sell my Quinny stroller to get some money to buy a stroller built for two but realized that I can’t sell it as I need the baby car seat that goes with it. (And also I love it a LOT). So do I NEED a double stroller? I suppose I do. Do they work well? Are they as cumbersome as they look? Anybody know of any good ones? Any suggestions are welcome.

I went and had my 1 hour gestational diabetes test yesterday. The nurse asked me (twice) when I was due. When I told her, she made a comment indicating how LARGE she thought my belly was for someone 28 weeks pregnant. Thanks. Isn't that just what every pregnant woman wants to hear? Why do people feel that their opinions on my appearance are just SOOOO valid and SOOO important that they just absolutely MUST tell me how big I look? I don't get that. And this was an older woman who according to her, has 7 grandchildren. I'll bet her daughter-in-law just *adores* her.

With Ruby I took a belly picture every 4 weeks. This time I forgot to take one at 24 weeks. Things are just so much more hectic this time around. So here's my 28 week picture:

(Steve thinks my boobs are smaller this time around. Now THOSE kinds of comments about my appearance I do not mind at all.)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Happy times

My daughter is just the sweetest little angel lately.

Recently we have been having some very special moments that make me feel like I've really done right as a mother thus far. I was lucky enough to catch such a moment on video tonight. I wanted to share this in order to spread the good feelings and warm your heart and soul. Now you, too can feel the complete and utter joy that I get to feel so much lately.

Monday, March 8, 2010


After a couple of days of lower back, tummy and leg aches – which would normally indicate an oncoming period, I had a little bit of bleeding on Sunday morning. I figured I knew the explanation for the bleeding (sex) but since it’s never happened before I thought I should call it in.

Lucky for me, my favorite midwife was on call and she asked me to explain everything that had happened over the past week – then she asked me to meet her at the hospital for an assessment. This time I got to completely bypass the dreaded ER and head straight to L&D.

My mom made the 45 minute drive to come and look after Ruby while we were out (she then went on to tidy my kitchen and cook me dinner) which I felt totally guilty about, which is probably stupid.

The assessment revealed that the bleeding was from a very sensitive cervix getting “poked” (midwife’s choice of words, not mine). She also said that because my pregnancies were so close together and also that I had ligament problems with my first one – my pelvic floor is hanging like a hammock (nice visual). And that my body didn’t get enough time to recover properly between pregnancies. Because of this there is a lot more aches and pains than usual – and everything is magnified. (Also explains why I pee my pants a little bit every day).

I also brought up the gym since it seems that nobody in my family (Steve and my parents) agrees with the frequency that I go there or how fatigued I am afterwards. I thought I would settle it once and for all and prove to everyone that I was right and they were wrong (my favorite), except it didn't exactly work out in my favor... The midwife asked what I do and for how long and was horrified when I told her. Apparently I should NOT being going 3-4 times a week and doing 45 minutes of cardio each time, sweating my ass off and getting my heart rate up between 150-160bpm. She said that if I want to keep going that I should be going 2-3 times a week, NOT getting to the point of being breathless/sweaty and not allowing my heart rate to go over 120bpm. Well what’s the fucking point then?

I could almost cry over that one. While the gym didn’t make my body feel overly great (nay, it made my body huuuuurt), I did get a high from it and it helped release my stress like nothing else. I also had the notion that I was doing my future self a big favour and getting a jump on my post baby recovery. Instead I was *contributing to the physical problems that my body is having with this pregnancy.

I brought up my worries about weight gain and how I was trying to prevent gaining 68lbs like I did with Ruby. She asked how much I’d gained so far and when I told her 22lbs, she was impressed and said that at this point that’s good. She said I could gain another 20 and it would still be perfectly ok. That made me feel a little better anyways.

She suggested that I’m doing too much and trying to keep on top (in control) of everything. She advised that I slow down a bit and try to enjoy my life, my family and the rest of this pregnancy. I’m not to worry so much about everything. Let some things go. That’s hard but I will do it if it will make my body feel better. (Not sure what’s going to happen to my mind or my self esteem.)

She strongly advised that I get some acupuncture which I know I said I was going to do before and never got around to it but this time I really will.

She suggested that I go for physiotherapy for my weak pelvic floor. Apparently there are therapists who specialize in pelvic floor recovery. I will start with the acupuncture first.

She asked me to take a couple of weeks off work to rest and get feeling better but I vetoed that.

After all was said and done, I felt better that I had been properly checked over and the baby is ok and so am I. I have an explanation/diagnosis for my more-than-normal discomfort. I have a bit of direction as to what I can and cannot do (even if it sucks).

I have to remind myself that this isn’t forever – in the grand scheme it’s just a small pocket of my life and I need to try to suck it up, make the best of it and try to make it as tolerable as possible.

*I know lots of people exercise lots when they’re pregnant and I’m not saying anything about that. This is about me and my individual case.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Dinner Torture

I don't know what's wrong with my inlaws but they seem to get off on torturing me.

Steve, Ruby and I went out for dinner to the Keg on Thursday night to celebrate Steve's birthday. We were joined by Steve's brother and girlfriend. They arrived in a cloud of tension, apparently they were cocktailing the night before and were hungover. They were also apparently fighting with each other and not in the most festive of moods.

If Steve and I had our way we would have been at the restaurant at 5pm as to avoid being at the restaurant at the witching hour - Ruby's bedtime (6:30pm - 7pm). Unfortunately BIL and SIL couldn't get there until going on 6pm. And then of course then there was the extensive examination of the menu, and sending the waitress away a few times because we "aren't ready to order yet". My dinner arrived at about 6:30pm just when Ruby had eaten all her raisins and goldfish crackers, had played long enough with the provided crayons and was pretty much fed up with sitting in the highchair. She was fussing and the feeling that I'd had all night that my parenting and her behavior were under a huge microscope ("she just threw a cracker! Pick it up, we're not the only one's in the restaurant you know! She just put a crayon in her mouth! OMG stop her from doing that!!! She is still saying "that" all the time??") increased exponentially. I tried to scarf down what I could of my meal before having to take her and walk around the restaurant to keep her happy. I got some "looks" from BIL and SIL. They were clearly embarrassed of us - even though nobody else in the restaurant even noticed us.

Yes, they are older than us, have loads of money and no kids.

I noticed them looking over my shoulder when I was paying my bill to see if I left a big enough tip (I always leave a bigger tip when I have Ruby with me).

They were also all over us again about what we're naming the baby. They seem obsessed with it. Remember what happened last time? I wanted to keep Ruby's name a secret until she was born and they found out what it was and totally upset me? And they're on about it again! I would have thought they would leave it alone. We keep telling them we're not sure yet, but they don't let up. I wish they'd let up. Why would we tell them if we're not telling anyone else??

But the "best" part? Was when SIL started asking about me going to the gym and somehow it came up that I had to start wearing Steve's t-shirts to the gym because my t-shirts are getting too tight around the belly. (Why do I set myself up like that?).

BIL looks me over and says, "I'm surprised even his shirts fit you."

Steve is 6"3 and 220lbs. He wears mens XL shirts.

Like my self esteem was just soaring so high that I needed it knocked down a little.

It wasn't the enjoyable night out that Steve and I had hoped for and deserved. We were both stressed and frazzled by the time we got home.

My feelings of needing/wanting to hibernate and be completely anti-social until the baby is born (and possibly beyond) has been re-affirmed.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Hospital Visit

You know what gets on my nerves? People who whine and complain all the time with nothing positive to say. And if you look back at my last few posts you will find that that has been me lately. So yes, I am annoying myself and getting on my own nerves and that is why I haven’t posted in a little while.

It's just a fact though, that I’m finding this second pregnancy really difficult for a variety of different reasons.

A couple of times in the past couple of weeks I was going to do a big ra-ra post, drenched in positivity and encouragement and boosting myself in the right direction. But the urge to write something like that seems to take so much energy. Right.

And so you might expect THIS post to be that ra-ra post but it’s not. I wouldn’t even be posting but I think yesterday needs to be recorded. (For what reason I’m not sure.)

Tuesday morning I woke up with some pain/aching in my back that radiated through my belly (for the record I knew it was not early labour). It came and went in waves so when I wasn’t feeling one of those waves, I felt fine. About halfway through the day though, I threw in the towel and went home to bed. I slept for 1 ½ hours and felt good but as soon as I got up I was hit with another wave of pain/discomfort.

I called my midwife just to let her know what was going on and from what I described she was stumped. She finally asked if maybe I could just possibly have a stomach virus and I said I supposed so – even though I felt fine in between waves. We left it at that as I had an appointment the next morning anyways. But throughout the evening I kept getting that yucky pain/discomfort and it woke me up a few times during the night.

The next day at the midwife appointment we discussed the pain and how it felt and where it was coming from. She thought I might be having a kidney problem. A urine dipstick showed that I had some protein in my urine.

She decided she wanted me seen at the hospital by Labour and Delivery. She called ahead and said she was sending me in for an assessment and she was advised that I would have to be admitted through Emergency and then they would send an L&D nurse down to get me. She then sent me off to the hospital with my medical records and letter saying that I was to be seen at L&D.

And then I got to the hospital and checked in at Emergency where the admitting nurse decided that I didn’t need to go to L&D, that they would treat me there instead.

And so I spent 4 ½ hours at Emergency. I was given a urine test, several blood tests and then an ultrasound that was smaller than my laptop. The doctor administering the laptop ultrasound admitted to me that he isn’t a radiologist and can’t really see if something is wrong or not. He did point out the baby and that the baby had a spine.

Great. Thanks.

I spent the majority of the time in the waiting room waiting for my test results. The last time I saw the doctor he told me that so far nothing was wrong with me but there was another test yet to come back.

Eventually I just got up and walked out. It was stupid being there. I was treated like just another whiny loser – which believe it or not, I’m not. I don’t believe in going to emergency unless there is an… emergency. I wouldn’t have been there unless I was given orders to go. I would have rather been at home laying down than sitting with the sicky, yucky, fucked up people surrounding me in the ER.

Or better yet, I would have rather been at L&D getting proper tests done and leaving with either a diagnosis or some sort of assurance.

Anyways, today I feel a bit better. The pain has subsided for the most part. I do feel a bit crampy / periodish today but I’ll be damned if I’m going to complain about it to anyone. If anything major happens like my uterus falls out, THEN I might go ahead and call someone. Until then, I’ll just keep my suffering to myself (and maybe the internet).