Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Drama Queen much?

Sooooo.... deep breath in.... and out....

It seems I may have a penchant for over reacting with Ruby related issues.

What? You hadn't noticed?

Sometimes it seems I get myself so worked up and upset and psychotic to the point that I can't stand myself and then I totally talk myself down and reason and breath and find a way to fix the problem.

My solutions:

I am going to start weaning Ruby from breastmilk to formula. I've spent a good long time thinking about this and weighing the pros and cons. I've agonized over the guilt. I have embraced the guilt and I am now letting it go and I am moving on. We need to find a way to make our lives as simple and happy as possible and that means I need to give up the pump. I have my limits and they are being reached. I realized that I am making things not very nice in my home because I am becoming a nasty, cranky bitch. Yes, more so than I was before. And I can see how my marriage has been a little "luke warm" if not cold at some times lately. I will admit that if I were Steve, I certainly wouldn't enjoy coming home to me everyday. I know that if I can free up some of my time, and stop that "soul sucking" pumping, that I will be a happier and nicer person. And that is the end of that. (I hope).

I went to the store last night and stood in the formula isle for a good 3 hours. Reading labels. Shaking cans. Weighing the (many) options. I will admit I was slightly shocked by the price of formula. I ended up buying a small can of "easy to digest" liquid concentrated formula. I have supplemented 3 of her feeds with it so far and I am pleased to announce that there have been no "Exorcist" re-enactments thus far. The diapers are still a bit ugly but nothing overly out of the ordinary and nothing I can't handle (Steve on the other hand, cannot handle them - he is in poopy diaper training right now).

I ordered this book. I have had a hard time finding any literature on feeding and nourishing kids but this book was recommended on a pamphlet that I received from our local Health Unit after I had Ruby. I don't want her to have a bad relationship with food and for solids we're not off to a very good start. I need some professional guidance. I am also going to speak with a health nurse today at my "mommy group" and hope that they can at least guide me in the right direction. And hopefully there are no breastfeeding lectures because seriously? Fuck off about that already.

Also of note: today I hit my pre-pregnancy weight. I have 4lbs to go until I am at my pre-IVF weight. I plan on continuing on with the weight loss although I know it will be a little harder once I'm not pumping anymore. Or maybe it will be easier because I will have that little bit of extra time and energy.

Geez, I'm starting to wonder if I'm bipolar...


Just Jen said...

Such a positive post!

Congrats on the weight loss... that's fantastic! You've worked hard at it. You have always been very focused when you have a goal to work for.

As for the formula, good for you. You have made the choice that works for you and your family, and have so many positive outlooks about it. You did well with the pumping, not sure if I would have lasted so long. It's more work than just whipping the titty out for sure. The cost of formula - yes, I too have peeked at the mindblowing prices, and like anything else you'll adjust. (Well worth the price when you look at the freedom you will have.) Think how much you saved in 6 months! I have noticed our grocery bill go up just from recently starting solids. They sure hose you on baby products.

Oh, and I have a friend that told me that once she stopped breastfeeding she had so much energy. Tempting.

Emily said...

Good for you! The weight is fab and everyone I know wasn't able to really shake their weight until they stopped breastfeeding so maybe it will get easier.

And I agree with Jen - I'm not sure I would have kept up the pumping so long! Good for you for making the best choice for you and your family! xoxo

Hopeful Mother said...

Definitely NO judgment here. I am guilty of the "overdramatizing" thing too. When it's your child, everything is a big deal, I know. :-)

I think the formula is a great decision for you and Ruby and I applaud you for going for it at this juncture. You did great with the BF - for 6 whole months. You go girl!!

And, way to go on the weight loss. THat is a major big deal!! YAY!!!

Mommy Shoes said...

I am about ready to start the bitch of the month club around these parts. Seriously cranky mommy here.

As far as formula, fwiw, based on the research I have done the enfamil brands have the closest to breastmilk ratio of whey to casein. And Similac brands are the only ones that don't have the recommended levels of DHA. But most important is what she will tolerate.

ANd awesome weight loss- I am jealous!

Mommy Shoes said...

Oh and if you sign up on the formula website, you get coupons in the mail.

Alicia said...

I am an old hand at being a drama queen when it comes to my kid, so no judgement here. Queen away!

I am so happy for you, having come to a decision and being satisfied with it. I know it was a tough choice for you, and I hope the next few weeks pay out and shrug off any little bits of concern left. And yeah, formula is expensive. I'd wait until it went on sale at Target and then bought a months worth at a time.

As for the weight loss... you go girl!

Emily said...

Congratulations on the weight, it's such an accomplishment!!!

I'm also glad you made a decision. It will be the right one for you & Ruby!

JJ Keith said...

Congrats on the weight loss! I've heard (but don't know personally because I haven't weaned yet) that moms often loss five pounds at weaning. For some reason the body holds on to a little extra while producing milk. I dunno, but I HOPE this is true. I've had fantasies about weaning for that very reason.

Oh, and I totally feel you on the weaning. BFing is a pretty big pain (but beautiful etc). I'm not sure how long I'll be able to handle pumping after I go back to work.

Sarah @ said...

Congratulations on your postpartum weight loss! =) That's great; keep up the good work. I'm sure you'll shed those last 4 pounds before you know it.

Also, good luck with the formula. I know it's such a difficult choice to make, and I hope you're able to find something that works well for Ruby sooner than later =)