Friday, June 5, 2009

Snap out of it!

You know... I wish I hadn't published the previous post. It makes me sound like an under confident, wish-washy, whiny woman. And I'm generally not that.

It took me a while to decide that I actually wanted to have children. So many of my friends had babies and I didn't like what I saw. I felt that that somewhere along the birthing process they lost themselves and became nothing more than "mommy" - unable to carry on a conversation if it didn't involve diapers, poop or the latest preschool. I never wanted to be that. I wanted to keep my edge and still be me. So when the realization came to me that I could still be "Tara" and also be a mom (and a good one at that) then I knew I was ready to have kids. (And then I had to wait a few more years... but I digress)

The fact of the matter is this: all babies/mommies/families are different. There are different personalities, different dynamics, different relationships - and I was foolish to think that there might be a one-size-fits-all approach to when a child is ready for an night away from her parents. If I'm doing things my own way, then I only need to take an honest look at our life and our relationship and our situation and the answer should be found there - not in the opinions of others (not that I don't value your opinions, I TOTALLY do).

It's just that this is about us and unless you know us and live in our house with us and spend every day with us, then it is unfair to ask you to comment on it. So it was kind of silly for me to publish my last post, asking for advice. For that I apologize, my dear internets. And I hope you will forgive me for sounding like such a sucky wuss.

In the end here's how I feel about the overnight thing: I think it's important that I do it soon because I do need some time to reflect on me, to enjoy a break (and it's ok to want/need a little break), to be an adult, to allow someone else to help me, to gather myself, to make sure that "Tara" is still inside, to sharpen my edge. And I know it won't be bad for Ruby either. She would be going to a place where everyone loves her very much and will be in the care of someone who is more than capable of caring for her well. I also want to be able to do this periodically - I have some events coming up this summer that require me to leave Ruby at my mom's over night - so why not start getting her used to it now?

It needn't be such a big deal.

If I can refresh and recharge every once in a while it is going to make me a better mom and in turn, I will help make a better, more well rounded Ruby.


Sarah @ said...

I think that's a great approach to things =) When you're ready and when you feel it's the right choice? It will be.

Emily said...

I like this post. Of course you don't need our opinions, and of course you just needed to look at the situation and find the answer yourself. We're just here to give you moral support on whatever you choose. So to your decision... I say good!

As a side note, (keeping in mind that every family is different) my sister is pg with her 3rd. Her first and second both started staying at Grandma's house overnight once a month or so. They are now 4 and 2 years ols, and are happy, well adjusted children. My sister gets to have 'her' time, drink wine, garden, just do whatever. She doesn't regret it one bit. Plus Grandma LOVES it.

Emily said...

I forgot to mention that both her kids started staying at Grandmas house overnight at about 6 months old also.

Emily said...

I don't think you need to appologise and I don't think you came across whiney. You're still human whether you're Tara or 'just mommy' and humans are often unsure. I believe we usually have the answer to whatever troubles us inside of ourselves but sometimes asking people's opinions helps cement what we really feel!

chicklet said...

I think you do what works for you - whenever that is. However, I do feel strongly about overnights when you're ready because you need time to be an adult, to NOT talk about kids and poo 24/7, and to drink a little wine and remember why you and your husband got married in the first place. My personal opinion is that too many women forget how to be a wife and woman once they're a mom, and focus only on being a mom, and for me, I want to really try to balance that as the happier our marriage is, the happier Tiny B will be as we'll all be giving off good vibes:-)

eden said...

I think that sounds like a GREAT idea, and I'm loving how your mum suggested it. The best part Tara, is when you turn into your mums street to pick Ruby up. You'll be HANGING to see her. The time away is much needed and blissful ... but the reunions are awesome!

Also, you totally did not sound sucky at all, in your last post. You sounded human, and you're allowed. XO