Ruby is one week shy of being 6 months old. She's not yet had a night away from me.
(I think we've visited this one before, have we not???)
My mom has asked if she can take her overnight on Saturday night. I would drive Ruby there during the day and then go pick her up on Sunday.
Yes, I could use a night off. And Steve and I could use a night of just being together.
My mom is a good caregiver (as long as she doesn't allow my dad to influence her).
I know damn well that I will feel sick with worry and guilt and I will miss her like crazy if we do this. I can handle that if I think that it's the right thing to do. If I thought that I was benefiting her in some way I could deal with my own issues. I have already seen fear in her eyes when I hand her off to someone that isn't me or Steve and it breaks my heart.
My questions:
Is it too early?
Is she too young?
Could it really benefit her at this young age to spend some time away from me?
Will she miss me?
Should I do this????
10 comments:
At this stage, my gut feeling is that it won't make any difference to her in the long run. She might miss you, she might not much, but I doubt that either one will make any difference to how she grows up. So do what makes you happier. I'd say this is for you, not her.
My nieces all stayed with my mom around this age, and I think it helped them in the long run. Ellie, on the other hand, has not slept overnight at anyone's house, and I may have already waited too long to introduce it to her. I let my mom put her to bed for the first time last month here at our house, and it went terribly.
My vote is to try it out. You can call during the evening to see how it's going, and if you hear Ruby really crying on the other end of the line, you can always go pick her up.
I couldn't do it /c I would be a mess of guilt. Even Daddy has a hard time getting the boy though so I just can't stand the thought of someone else being stuck doing that. But if Ruby is more amenable, maybe give it a try.
I say do it, and see how it goes. If it goes well, do it once an while. It will be VERY nice for you to have a night off!
Everyone does this at their own pace. M is almost 15 months and I haven't stayed a night away from him yet. It actually isn't because I have an aversion to it-things just got so crazy this year I haven't had the chance. Hopefully this summer...
I say try it and see how it goes. Its never going to get easier but it could get harder. My guess is that its going to be easier for Ruby than it is for you! Hang in there and be strong - in the long run you don't want to be the mom who can never go out because her child won't go down for anyone but her!
I say do it. It'll be good for you and good for Ruby to get her used to other people. I'm sure it'll go fine, and you'll benefit from a night off. Try not to worry too much - she'll still love you the next day!
We left our boys alone overnight for the first time at around 10 mos. (for a whole 6 days while we took a much needed vaca in MX) They did just fine, and we were so much more relaxed when we came back...
I think the important thing here is to focus on what you need. Like the others, I don't think it will hurt Ruby in the long run to be away from you for a night, nor do I think it will benefit her - it will just be what it is in the moment. But if you really need a night where you can just be with your man and sleep (or not - wink!) all night long, AND your heart tells you that you can enjoy it without worrying about Ruby too much, then go for it. If you are feeling really torn and panicked about leaving her, it might be too early for you. And that's OK!! Your attachment to your baby is just as important as her attachment to you.
How's that for crunchy, touchy-feely, mostly useless assvice? Wishing you peace with your decision, and a great Saturday night either way.
To be honest, I don't really know what everyone means by it benefitting her. I have a 7 month old and I know it isn't right for her (or me) yet. I know exactly what you mean by seeing the fear in her eyes when you hand her to someone else. I think my daughter needs just me now, and I know this won't always be the case, but until it is I will be patient and let her lead the way. I don't really think I'd enjoy a night without her as much as I was "supposed" to. Listen to yourself, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready, and THAT'S OKAY. Good luck.
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