Dudes. I am struggling.
I cannot keep up right now and my mood is deteriorating, fast.
Ruby's 6 month birthday is Saturday. She's becoming more active and more interactive and more fun and in turn, that demands more Mommy Time. She's also going through the breast milk like a wildebeast. I'm giving her 5oz every 3 hours (if I can stretch it that far) and that doesn't seem to be enough for her. And as discussed previously she has NO interest in solids.
I have been thinking a lot about hanging up the breast pump and switching her over to formula.
I know, I know... I'm the worst mom.
I know that what I should be doing is pumping more often than I already do to produce more milk to keep up with Ruby's appetite. Except that cuts into my time with her. And my time to eat, my time to sleep, my time to pee, my time to breath. Selfish of me to want to eat and sleep and breath and pee, I know.
And I know I should go out and hunt down a lactation consultant and have them teach Ruby and I how to breastfeed properly so that I don't have to pump at all. Because if I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times - she's older now and there's no reason why she can't catch on to breastfeeding at this stage in the game. But do I really want to get into that at this stage in the game? Isn't this the time when moms want to start getting the babe on a bottle or sippy cup? Again, selfish of me to deprive us both of such a "magical" experience...
And as if I haven't had enough torture from the midwives, the health nurses, the breastfeeding advocates - when I topped up Ruby's bottle this morning with some formula - she made a face at me, refused to finish her bottle and then proceeded to projectile vomit off and on for 45 minutes until all the horrible "poison" that I gave her was out of her system - along with any breastmilk and even some bile. What kind of mother does that to her baby???
Hours later I am still doing laundry.
I am not sure where to go from here. Perhaps if I gave up eating all together, it would free up more time for pumping breastmilk and/or breastfeeding.
Oh, excuse me - this post is now going to be cut short. I have a new load of laundry to do. Ruby just shit through her diaper, onesie, pants and all over the white bedding.
And look at that, it's also time to pump again...