I got an email a couple weeks back notifying me that the midwife group that I went to during my pregnancy was having a picnic and all the babies that they delivered in the past year were invited. And I wasn't going to go. But last night I thought about it and ran to my computer to check the email to see if I had missed it and found out that it was today, this afternoon.
And I realized I should go. I needed to.
And when I got out of the car and I saw the woman that delivered Ruby, standing under a shelter in the park, out of the rain - I got a big fat lump in my throat and my eyes welled up.
Ok, enough with the emotions already. Look around! Nobody else is crying, you sissy!
Deep breath. Carry on.
It was quite a busy picnic and I knew nobody but Ruby so we just sat at a table and played around and sipped a Starbucks and nibbled on a treat until one of the two midwives that took such good care of me came over to say hello. We chatted for a bit and then the other midwife came over - the one who actually delivered Ruby and I asked if I could take a picture of them with her. The one that actually delivered Ruby, held her on her knee and it was all I could do to get Ruby to look at the camera. She just stared at the woman who brought her into the world. Almost like she was awestruck?
Ok, maybe it was the sparkly necklace she had on, I don't know but I got all fucking emotional again.
Why was nobody else getting all misty eyed about meeting up with the woman/women who delivered their babies??!? Everybody was all nonchalant, busy drinking herbal tea and breastfeeding and eating organic cake.
And why was the most popular conversation topic, "When are you having another one?"
*winkwink* *nudgenudge*
Can't we just be happy and enjoy the ones that we have now? Can't we???
So I got my picture that I wanted and I got a short little visit with two of the best midwives I could have ever hoped for.
And I suppose there's a good chance that it was also the last time I might see them, for in all likelihood I may never need a midwife again... Which might explain the emotions that nobody else had.
10 comments:
::hugs:: I got a little misty eyed reading it. What a sweet moment you had with that reuinion.
This is so moving, Tara - so much emotion in one event! I would have been battling the tears, too - no question!
I read this earlier today from my blackberry and the stupid think won't let me comment. Anyway, when I read it I got emotional. This is a very beautiful post.
It's a lovely moment, and no, I don't think you are the only one who was worried about that. We infertiles hide well sometimes, remember!
And I do think that you will get another chance. Just give yourself some time to earn money and settle in. okey-dokey?
It's good you and Ruby went. I know what you mean by the lump in your throat. I had to pack away Willam's newborn clothes the other day and I about lost it.
I found your site through IComLeavWe and it really hit home. We had our first son by IVF, and didn't even make it to transfer for our second cycle which has left us pretty devastated. We waited a couple of years after he was born because we just wanted to enjoy him. We are still enjoying him, that won't stop, but we're also trying to work on bringing home another little one. We've begun to move onto adoption, but I really wish I had a reason to see my OB every month again! I love her, now it's back to once a year. And the thought that we may not get to birth our next child bothers me, but not nearly as much as the thought that we are done with trying to have more biological children. You're right, that's why the other people at the picnic weren't as emotional, many haven't been on that IF road.
I'm glad that you were able to go and spend time with the great people that helped you have your daughter. Congrats.
ICLW
How wonderful. I brought my son to my appointments with the midwife who delivered him, and it truly was wonderful. I understand all the challenging emotions about pregnancy and infertility - and I think you are right - most people don't really think about it. It sounds like you had a perfect moment, and for now, that is exactly what you needed. You can't control what the future will bring, but you do have these wonderful experiences to treasure. Your daughter is beautiful! -Tkeys *ICLW*
Thanks for the sweet comment...and yes I totally understand what you mean. I just love the photo and what a beautiful girl she is! I love the hat and the outfit. You have such great taste. Thanks again...((hugs))
I LOVE Ruby's outfit!
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