Today I'm going out for a stagette. It's shaping up to be super fun - we're going on a professionally created scavenger hunt during the day, then appies and cocktails at a girlfriend's house, then a limo to a comedy dinner theatre, then limo back to girlfriends house for... more drinking and fun I suppose. The girls that are going are all really fun, lots of laughs and super easy to get along with.
And I so totally deserve a night out with the girls and a night off from housewife/mommy duties.
So why do I feel so nervous about it that I have been losing sleep and this morning woke up with some... "stomach issues"?
I'm nervous about the hangover that I will inevitably have. Yes, I know I am in control of this but anyone who's ever been out on a girls night with a bunch of fun loving, good time girls - knows how hard it can be to say no or to go too slow. I do plan on implementing some strategies to minimize the damage but the fact remains that even after a mellow night, I suffer. I know I will suffer tomorrow.
Along with that will come guilt. I'm so scared of the inevitable guilt. Does anyone else get this? Or I am the only mental case?
And there's the overnight thing. I HATE overnights. I'm contemplating coming home but I will need to take an expensive cab ride. And I will get ribbed from the girls. People don't get my thing with sleep overs and it's hard to explain to people.
And also - it's a LONG time to be away from my girl. I will worry about her. I *know* she'll be fine but I can't help but worry about her and miss her. God I will miss her.
But I'm going back to work in December and Ruby will be going to daycare 4 days a week. That's going to be a big shock to her (and me) and I have been trying to tell myself that she needs to start spending some time away from me and with other people - so she can cope better when daycare starts. So wouldn't this be a good start? Part of me says, yes. Definitely. Part of me says, who fucking cares - I want my baby!!!
How lame am I? The Tara of 5 years ago would roll her eyes at the Tara of today and then she would order another drink and shake her head in disgust.
No, I would NEVER, EVER want to go back to the Tara of 5 years ago, but I would really like to just go out and have a good time without all the fucking mental and emotional baggage.
I could sure use some encouragement and/or a pep talk. I know Saturday is a slow day for blogging but if you happen to come across this post I could sure use a shot in the arm.
5 comments:
Just have fun and focus on doing something fun with Ruby tomorrow- this from the Mommy who feels guilty about leaving baby with Daddy while I go to Target today. :)
OK...this is what you're gonna do. You are going to relax, go out, and have a great time. Worry about the hangover later. If you get back and realize that you'd rather be home, then go home...but once the night gets rolling and you get a few drinks in you, you will realize that you NEED this. All moms need time for themselves. To be honest, I can't believe you've gone this long without it...I have been out 4 or 5 times already since Carter was born. Ruby is going to have a great time without you...she won't even notice you're gone. Take time for yourself. You work hard every day. You deserve it.
I'm late so you are no doubt already out having fun, but my two cents is this: it's totally ok to miss your baby and not have the same pull to things you used to jump at the chance to do. You are not a mental case in the slightest bit. I freak about leaving my baby and it's not even born yet! God only knows how obsessed I'll be once I meet the little creature!
However, since you're going and you are looking forward to a fun night despite having mixed feelings, I hope you can just let go and have a wonderful time, enjoying your friends and some wildness! You do deserve to have fun and cut loose, definitely!
Ok. according to my time difference calculations ... you are reading this after the event. What I TOTALLY relate to in that post is the guilt. THE GUILT. Oh my goodness, even when I hadn't done anything wrong, it was terrible.
I hope you're ok, I wonder if you ended up gatting an expensive cab ride home ... but I hope you were pleasantly surprised and managed to enjoy yourself.
XOX
Hope you had fun!!
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