Tuesday, January 20, 2009


One of my very best friends is coming to visit this weekend. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I miss her terribly. We are so good together and she's really a kick ass person. She lives 10 hours (driving) from where I live so we don't get to see each other often. Her husband is currently in the area for 6 weeks on a course and she's flying in this weekend to be with him and to visit Ruby and I (and Steve).

The plan is for her and her hubby to come out here on Saturday and spend the evening hanging out with us (dinner, maybe a drink) and then they'll stay the night and leave sometime on Sunday.

I am so excited to see her but I'm having a bit of anxiety over it as well. I'm worried about sleep and about me not getting enough of it.

Since Ruby is still on a 3 hour feeding routine (4 if I'm lucky), I only get to sleep in 2 hour stretches, ever. So I've been trying to get to bed or nap as early as I can (when/if she's sleeping) and sleep or nap as late as I can in the morning (when/if she's sleeping).

I know that if I have company here, especially a girlfriend I haven't seen in too long, I will be up late visiting.

However, Ruby doesn't give a shit how late I stay up or what the circumstances are - she still wants to eat every 3 hours. I will still be awake to feed her at midnight, 3am, 6am... And I will still have to change her diapers and then pump milk and try to get her back to sleep as soon as I can.

I am a girl who needs sleep. With the history of depression and anxiety attacks that I have, it's super important that I get enough sleep. When I don't, I can totally feel my mental health waning. For example; last Saturday I went to a girlfriend's house for a girls night (I brought Ruby with me). I was home by 10pm but I still suffered greatly because I was exhausted. Sunday I had a few unexplainable anxiety attacks and some blue feelings.

And then there's the chance that I could have a morning like I'm having this morning. Ruby was awake at 4 am and did not go back to sleep until about 10 minutes ago. Meaning, I also have been up since 4am. I'm super tired but I'm going back to bed to nap until she wakes up to feed again. If I have guests here, I can't exactly go to bed early or nap while they're sitting at my kitchen table...

I'm sure I'll survive, I'm just a little concerned about how I will handle it.

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