Just when I think I'm starting to get the hang of things, or have somewhat of a routine in place - I read something that throws me off or makes me feel guilty for something or other that I'm doing.
The way she sleeps is questionable.
The way I feed her is questionable.
The amount of time I hold her is questionable (too much, not enough, etc)
The amount of stimulus she gets when she's awake is questionable (too much, not enough, too loud, too quiet, etc)
The number of times I bath her a week is questionable.
..l.and it goes on... and on...
I WAS starting to feel good about things. I WAS feeling less guilt about, well, everything I do that isn't "textbook". And then I pick up some stupid book that tells me what to "expect" and it totally fucks me up. Why do I read it - because I'm afraid that I'm going to miss something. That she should or shouldn't be doing something that she is or isn't doing and I wouldn't know the difference. That I am such a rookie mom that I won't know if I'm doing something horribly wrong to screw my daughter up for the rest of her life...
We were/are getting a little routine going on. I was starting to feel a little more confidence in my mothering. And I am seeing progress in her size, her alertness, her personality - and dammit this should be enough. I can't let some stupid "one size fits all" book make me second guess myself and my instincts.