Thursday, January 29, 2009

Do not leave child unattended

I debated on whether to post about this because I'm feeling so incredibly fucking stupid and guilty and really embarrassed about it.

Yesterday I was doing two things at once - being Ruby's mom, and making mashed potatoes for dinner. The potatoes were boiling on the stove and ready to be mashed and I was sitting on the couch with Ruby while she slept. I left Ruby sleeping on the couch and went around the corner into the kitchen. Drained the potatoes. Added milk, butter and salt. Started mashing. Heard a thump from the living room.

My heart sunk and my first thought as I spun around was "please let that noise have been the dog". Except the first thing I saw as I turned around was the dog staring in the direction of the couch. I flew across the kitchen and around the corner to see Ruby laying face down on the ground. I felt like the blood drained from me and my heart came out of my chest.

She had apparently wiggled in her sleep and slid off the couch. I really didn't think she could do that yet.

She didn't start to cry until I got to her - which seemed like an eternity but was probably only 10 seconds at the most from the time I heard her fall. I scooped her up off the floor and immediately checked her all over. Luckily, thankfully, ohhhh soooo thankfully, she was still in perfect working condition. She cried for a bit and I held her and rocked her and bawled my eyes out saying, "I'm so sorry Ruby, I'm so sorry. Mommy loves you SOOO much. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" over and over and over again.

And the rest of the day I was a wreck. Consumed with guilt. Feeling like a big fucking loser.

I had planned on giving Ruby a bath during the day but I opted to wait til Steve came home from work because my confidence was shaken, as were my hands, arms and legs for the rest of the day. (After her bath, I ended up flooding the bathroom when I tried to pour her bath water into the sink but instead dumped it all over the bathroom counter and floor.)

I am so so sooooo thankful that Ruby is a healthy little pliable baby and she wasn't hurt in any way from my fuckup. I have been toting her around in the Baby Bjorn all morning this morning and when I have to put her down, I make sure she is strapped in tight to one of her chairs, or in the bassinet.

Another stupid lesson learned.

Tonight - we are having take out.


Candi B. said... is OK. I know you are feeling terrible, but I just want to reassure you that you are not the 1st mother that this has ever happened to. My BIL was about 4 months old when he fell off the couch and rolled MIL ran around hysterical until she heard him cry from under the couch. are a great mommy. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Emily said...

I'm so sorry you had that scare. I know you must have felt AWFUL.

But don't worry, these things happen, and I'm sure they happen ALL THE TIME. I wonder how many times our parents did stuf flike that with us. Was it because they didn't care? Nope. They just made a mistake. Did it make them bad parents? Of course not!

You are a great Mom!!!

noswimmers said...

Oh sweetie, you are a wonderful mommy! Accidents happen, and the important thing is your little princess is just fine.


Anonymous said...

Oh Tara you are still a great mommy and a great human being!

My mother-in-law dropped my husband onto a concrete floor once head first and he's a fab guy with nothing wrong with him (although he did marry me so maybe there was an issue!)

Think of this as yet another rite of passage into the world of motherhood!

Julia said...

Who would have thought when she was sound asleep. What a rolly polly.

I'm sure the fall hurt you way more than it hurt her.

Aurelia said...

Well, there won't be any judgement from me...I stepped on my kid fer chrissakes!

Look, accidents happen, and you should be prepared for a lot more bumps and bruises and tears, because she will be crawling and doing tummy time and then trying to walk, and then eating the dog food....and you will feel terrible for all the times you didn't stop her from hurting herself in some way. Dump the guilt, and just know, lesson learned.

You do the best you can with what you have, and in the end, that's all any of us can do.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

It's ok, hon. This is a learning experience for all of us. I hate to move Colin if he is sleeping since he doesn't sleep much so I can see making the same decision. And I once left him too close to the edge of the bed. Mr. LIW discovered him in time and moved him but he could have fallen. You have to remember two things: 1) you are not perfect and 2) you can't think straight because you are terribly sleep-deprived.... You deserve to be forgiven.

Your situation last Sunday sounds quite familiar to me. Baby C gets incredibly fussy in hot places - he reacted the same way at my grandmother's. And, sure, he's been overstimulated, too. But it doesn't make you a bad mother. We are trying to desensitize them a bit so they will be comfortable in social situations. I don't think that's a crime really. Since I still have a measure of social anxiety, I am trying to get Colin acculturated to social settings as much as possible. There's likely to be some negative side effects sometimes, right?


Somewhat Ordinary said...

Everything will be alright, Tara! When my son went in for one of his well visits my ped gave us the required "never leave your baby unattended on furniture" speeches. When she was done she threw in "Don't worry babies are very resiliant. Both of my daughters feel off my bed before they were one."

Jen said...

This happens to everyone at some point! Don't worry about it.

Sassymama said...

Oh, I so know how that feels... only I mistakenly pushed one of my sons off the front of the stroller (thought his car seat was latched in). It was only a foot or two and he was completely unharmed. But I was sure it indicated that I was the Worst-Mother-In-The-World. Such things are so scary, but she is just fine... and so are you:)

sara said...

Don't worry about it, I fell off our couch when I was little too. And my mom was a great mom just like you are ((hugs))