One

There is one, singular, solitary baby in my belly, and *he has a heartbeat.

This is exactly the outcome I was hoping for.

I hope that this helps me move forward in accepting this pregnancy - although keeping it out of my mind is kinda working for me for the time being. There's so far to go until the end, there's no point wasting a lot of brain power thinking too much about it right now. When I think too much about my future, I get all flustered and nervous and sooner or later I'm entrenched in a full blown anxiety attack. So for now I just try to keep my mind within the relatively immediate future - like, Ruby's 1st birthday is next month, and what ever will I get her and what will we do to celebrate, and also I return to work next month, and Ruby is going to start daycare next month, and how will I adjust to being a working mom?

Stuff like that causes enough anxiety on it's own without thinking of adding another human into the mix. So for now, I try to keep the slate as clear as possible.



*Obviously it's too early to tell the gender but I have had this feeling since day 1 that I am packing around a boy.