My self esteem has not been at it's highest lately. I am overweight. My hair is short and I'm growing out a not-great cut. It's also been super greasy for some reason and impossible to style. The excessive belly fat that I seemed to obtain/retain when Ruby was born is now being pushed out by Junior in my belly, causing all my pants to give me the muffin top to conquer all muffin tops. My skin is dry on the forehead but I seem to be breaking out here and there with acne. I don't have a lot of clothes to begin with and the ones I do have look horrible on me right now with the belly fat issue. I want to get myself some new clothes but can't afford it and what's the point right now because they're just going to be too tight too soon anyways. I try to do my best to look nice, I do. But right now, I'm just not feeling like I look my best and it really bothers me (keeps me awake at night). I just want to feel attractive and pretty.
Last night my BIL and his girlfriend came over. I am (just now) getting my paperwork together to get my passport and I had my BIL's girlfriend (call her SIL for sake of ease) sign as my guarantor. I wasn't crazy about my passport photo and I knew I didn't look great in it but I figured nobody looks awesome in their passport photo anyways and there are bigger things to worry about in the world. Well, SIL took one look at the picture and WENT OFF about how horrible I look.
"Jesus, Tara. What the hell happened?? You look terrible! This looks like you just got out of jail or like you should be on Intervention or something."
Yeah I know it's not great.
"No it's TERRIBLE! You look like you got in a fight and someone ripped your extensions out. What the fuck happened to your hair???"
I don't know. I walked there, so I guess it got messed up a bit.
"That's really bad. One of the worst passport pictures I've ever seen."
Sooooo... you don't think I look pretty?
"Fuck no! You're going to get stopped at the border every time you try to cross because the border guards are going to think you are a drug dealer or a crackhead or something!!"
Awesome. Between her tirade and my MIL's recent comment about my pregnancy weight, I'm flying high right now. Do people not get that perhaps I might need a little support and encouragement right now instead of fucking tearing me down into little bits of worthlessness? It's like a sport to these people.