Lately...

I'm kind of exhausted.

*In the past few days, I have beeing putting lot of my time and creative energy into creating a blog for Ruby. I have so many beautiful pictures of her and some cute little video clips that I want to post because I never want to forget anything, and also I want to be able to share it all with my family (and some friends) but my family (hopefully) doesn't know about this blog (and I want to keep it that way) and also I don't want to bombard this blog or my other blog with Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. I love her to bits and think she's the greatest thing in the world but I do realize how obnoxious people can be about their kids. I am one of those obnoxious people but I'd like to keep it hidden from the general public if at all possible. So to make a short story long - I made her a blog that is just filled with her pictures and videos and the odd story. I went all the way back to the day of her conception (bonus of IVF is that I do know the exact day) and filled in the blanks to current times and it took a lot of time and energy and yes, even a few tears. But it's done now and I love it.

*I recently had a peek at my wedding and honeymoon pictures. Damn. I looked good. I was all skinny and tanned and had great skin and hair and I wore short skirts and bikini tops. I have come a considerable way in the 4 1/2 years since then and I have the pounds, rolls, stretch marks, crows feet and hair-that-needs-a-new-style to show for it. (How hot do I sound?) I would do it all over again to get where I am right now, but it did kind of depress me. Ok, it really upset me - which prompted me to get out my old Weight Watchers books. I cried over those for a few days and then figured I would start following the diet again. (They have a program which allows extra calories for nursing mothers.) I started playing along on Monday and have been absolutely ravenous, miserable, cranky, irritated and even a little bit depressed from the hunger. I can't be feeling like that if I'm going to be a good mom so maybe I'm not quite ready for the diet just yet. I have started jogging again though (albeit short distances but still it's a start) so I will keep that up and just try to eat healthier and hope for the best - at least for now.

*Today was my second week at the mommy and baby group and I think I might have found my new BFF. She was outspoken and cool and she loved Ruby and she liked my tattoos (some moms are apparently either offended, afraid or too snobby to talk to me because of my sleeve - when I smiled at one woman and she looked at my sleeve and then looked away. ). My new BFF and another girl and myself went for coffee after the group. Turns out, they also swear like sailors! After my new BFF dropped the F-bomb this conversation happened:

New BFF: Sorry, I have a bad potty mouth.
Me: Me too! I've been trying to curb it lately.
New BFF: I'm not trying to curb it, I'm trying to find more friends who curse as much as I do.

I think I'm in love.

*I've been starting to think about putting Ruby to sleep in her own room in her crib soon. Currently she sleeps in a bassinet beside my bed. With her right next to me I'm able to pop a soother in her mouth and prolong her sleep sometimes. Also I sometimes nurse her to sleep in my bed and then plop her over in the bassinet and it's so convenient. (Also I will have a bit of separation anxiety when she's not beside my bed anymore.) But she's going to be 3 months old in a few weeks and also she's starting to outgrow the bassinet. When she moves around in it she punches and kicks the sides. So I've been thinking about the best way to go about this that will cause the least amount of anxiety for her (ok, for me).

With all this going on in my head or my body, plus continuing to take care of a baby and also run a household - it's draining my brain.

My shoulders are aching and my head is tired and I am heading to bed now.

That is all.