I'm going to let go of breastfeeding.
Oh let the breastfeeding advocates descend upon me and tear me apart, limb by limb, via blog comments.
I started having trouble keeping up with his appetite a couple of months ago and had been supplementing him with one bottle of formula per day for a little while now. His appetite has only grown and my milk supply hasn't. I was up to two bottles of formula per day and have recently gone to three.
I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. On one hand it's so convenient to always have food with me and to never have to worry about packing around bottles and formula or trying to figure out ways to heat a bottle on the go. And there's the bond. Yes, I believe breastfeeding my son has given us a special bond, and I have some very special memories of he and I nursing.
On the other hand, I get a physical feeling of depression/anxiety while I am nursing. It is not caused by my thoughts but from the actual sensation of breastfeeding. Also, I struggled with being the sole person responsible for feeding my son - especially with a busy toddler to chase. It is nice to be able to put him in his daddy or his grandma's arms and hand them a bottle and let someone else feed him when he is hungry - which is often.
I have long since put away the breast pump. Never to be used again. Ever. (Good riddance, Motherfucker!)
When I nurse him he is hungry such a short time later - less than two hours. With a bottle of formula he'll go three. I need the extra time, I really really do. I have diminishing milk supply which I realize I could correct by drinking copious amounts of herbal tea and taking supplements but I'll tell ya, I've got enough things to try to remember and take care of every day.
So it seems like we're on the path to weaning. There have been times in the past that I've thought about it but it made me feel too sad/guilty/not ready. But I think I'm ok with it now.