Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Is this normal?

I decided to hold off on the sleep consultant until I gave sleep training a good try on my own.  And upon many people's suggestions (many of you, the health nurse, my midwife) I bought "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. I like his theories and I believe in what he says but good Lord I can not read it fast enough. My spare moments are few and far between and I've barely just made it into the 3rd chapter!

Does crying it out ever NOT work? Is there a chance that he may not be teaching himself how to fall asleep but instead just falling asleep from pure exhaustion? And in the meantime am I just fucking up his life? (and mine).

I can only commit to doing it during the day because I have another child to consider and letting Lincoln scream through the night would wake up Ruby for sure and then my troubles would be two fold.  So does that mean that the progress will be slower?  I'm guessing it probably does.

And anyways I've made leaps and bounds with him at night, though it's still far from ideal.  We've got the bedtime routine down pretty good and he's going 3 or 4 (and once even 5!) hour stretches in between feeds.  

Daytime napping is the really big problem right now and that's when we cry it out (he and I both).  I took video footage of him "crying" (SCREAMING) in his crib.  Today he did it for an hour (I checked him at the correct intervals - which actually seemed to make it worse). Now I have the proof I need to exonerate myself when the police knock on my door because the neighbors have called to report a child being tortured.  "Officer I wasn't burning him with cigarettes! I swear! I don't even smoke!"

No really, I did take a video of it.  Is this normal?  This is at about the 45 minute mark. After I took this video I went and took stock of the medicine cabinet to see what I had that might be effective in rendering me to a comatose state. 

(Disclaimer: Baby screaming in video. Maybe don't watch at work or if you are sensitive. )

I played it for Steve and he said..... "Don't do that."

Ruby NEVER cried like this - that is all I have to compare to.  Is that why it seems so over the top?

I just talked to my MIL and she said it wouldn't be good to let him cry too long and that maybe I should try a little whiskey. I told her, what a coincidence because I was actually just thinking about having some.  But apparently she meant I should give it to Lincoln. Talk about old school.  Just for the record, we don't do that anymore .... right?

It is during these screaming fits that I feel like I need professional help.  Both for him and for myself.  I need therapy and he needs professional sleep training.  Or am I just being a big wuss?  You'd think I was the first woman to sleep train her child, I know...


Christy said...

I love the book by Dr. Weissbluth, but crying it out did not work for us-we took his other recommendations and went with those. I know that CIO works for lots of kids. . . but I also know it truly doesn't work for others. I think starting with naps is a good idea. . . ultimately it may take longer, but you will have more success I think with night sleeping once naps are down. . . at least we did. I think I have said before, each child family is different (and yes that stinks sometimes)-I hope you find yoru solution sooner than later. . . and seeking help is never a bad thing.

Femme au Foyer said...

I listened to the audio of Lincoln crying and my little boy was just as bad at that age, so I will venture to say that it's normal. I hope that makes you feel better. It's soooo tough to tune it out when you are the mother. I remember sitting on the other side of his bedroom door in sheer anguish over those cries. Seriously, had I not forgotten to turn on the monitor that one fateful night I'd probably STILL be feeding him a bottle every two hours (and he's 2 years old!). It's hard, but it will get better and it will likely happen overnight.

Just do the best that you can in whatever you decide to do. I think you have excellent instincts and they will lead you down the correct path to resolve this.

Anonymous said...

I found naps harder than nights and they took longer to get on track. In fact, its only in the last few months that my daughter is a decent napper (she's now 17 months) but there was progressively less crying. The crying doesn't sound too unusual to me - my daughter did the same thing. Heart breaking I know. Hang in there - you're doing an awesome job. I attended a Helen Sands talk and she said that teaching a child to sleep is giving them a great gift. Learning anything is hard. This is one of those things unfortunately.

Esperanza said...

My daughter cried that harder, or harder, when we were nap training. I found nap training to be really hard, way harder than night training. I would say if you've done it for a few days and it's not getting any better, it's probably not the right way to go, but it the amount of time he cries/and or the intensity of crying gets less, then it's probably working.

serenity said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
serenity said...

My delete - really bad typo in an important place.

I didn't listen to the video, but I'm a big chicken and never let O cry it out either. But - I have a good friend who DID use CIO with both of her daughters. She found with her second daughter that checking at the prescribed intervals did make it worse. So she stopped going in, and her daughter L was able to comfort herself AND settle down without the reminder that mom was there and ignoring her.

Something to think about.



Alicia said...

We used CIO with Ellie, but I noticed she cried longer when I went in to check on her. Once I stopped going in, she was usually able to calm herself down. I made a rule for myself as well... no more that 45 minutes of crying. If that time had elapsed, I went in and got her. I think that only happened once or twice.

Good luck, Hon. It's so hard.

Mrs. X said...

Just wanted to say that we had (and still have) trouble with naps. Nighttime is by far easier.

But, it's getting better. One of the problems with the Weissbluth book is that everyone has these glowing stories about how their kid was sleeping through the night after four nights of training. Your mileage may vary, meaning it may take longer for him than for other babies. But, I'd stick with it and agree that you should try to cut back on checking on him. Ours gets more ornery if he knows we're in the room.

Many hugs. And Ambien. Love Ambien.

Mrs. X said...

I should clarify that the Ambien is for you. Not Lincoln. :)