Thursday, October 15, 2009

Random thoughts

If I write them on my blog, will it help stop them from swirling around my head???

~I will have two children, 18 months apart.

~Two in diapers, two in car seats, two in strollers.

~My house isn't appropriate for a family of 4 (a family of 4!!). We will have to sell it and buy a different one - sometime within the next few months.

~If we are moving to a new house we are going to get one close to my parents. I am going to need all the help I can get and they currently live 45mins to an hour away.

~Moving closer to my parents will make a hell of a commute for Steve to get to/from work.

~Have a verbal agreement with the tenants in my basement suite that they would stay for a year. Not looking forward to letting them know that plans have changed.

~I return to work December 7th. I'm due June 16th. Only going back to work for six months. How *popular* will I be with my bosses? I'm guessing, not very.

~Not sure how I am going to survive on maternity leave wages for yet another year. We won't have enough time to get back on our feet from the first one.

~So very nervous about my beta next week.

~My car isn't going to cut it for a family of 4 either. And we currently only have the one vehicle.

~I never hid my first pregnancy at all. I'm keeping this one a secret for a while yet. Not sure how to do the not drinking thing at get togethers. I usually have a cocktail or two. How do I do this without giving anything away? Going to watch the hockey game at BIL and SIL's place tomorrow, and dinner there on Saturday and they're big cocktailers. I'm not, but I would normally have one or two. Not sure how to pull this off.

~I am at the same weight I was when Ruby was conceived. I do NOT want to gain 68lbs again.

~Went for a jog/walk this morning. Chicklet did it for 30ish weeks, I want to do it for a while too, as long as I can anyways.

~Steve has been awesome lately. Going the extra mile with Ruby, helping with dinners, helping with cleanup, etc. I hope he can keep it up. I will need all the help I can get.

~I just really need to hear that everything is going to be ok.

(I'm really scared.)

There's more, this is just all I can get out right now.


Candi said...

well...everything WILL be ok. its normal to be scared and feel guilty, but in the end, everything that was meant to be, will be. and your family of 4 will live to tell about it!

Carrie said...

Aw... (((hugs)))

re: drinking
Tell everyone you are trying the Atkins diet and aren't allowed alcohol. (Of course, if you are eating around them, you'll have to do a low carb meal, too. Maybe a little hard at a hockey game... eat before you go and bring Atkins-friendly snacks. I love their strawberry shake and their caramel nut chew bars - delish!)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was going to advise the diet excuse as well. Doesn't have to be Aitkins, any diet basically cuts back on booze.
Say you are on a health kick and can only allow yourself a certain ammount of calories so you would rather use them on hockey food than hockey booze...

Emily said...

I was going to suggest trying the "I feel like i'm coming down with something" excuse (or lie and say you're on anti-biotics - that always works!)

More thoughts from me:

- to hell with what work thinks. I promise they wouldn't spend that much time thinking about you!

- my neighborhood is nice, you should move here. :) Not too far from your folks and I can bring you alcohol when you're home with 2 kids.

- With kids that close together you can potty train them together - bit late for Ruby but early for baby number 2.

- Financially it might seem like a hit but think about how much you'll save by not having Ruby in daycare. Plus the outlay for baby 2 is much less than the first time round.

- Your stroller has great re-sale value and that will go a long way towards getting a double (if you go that route)

- You now know what to look out for weight wise - plus you'll be running around after Ruby soon so that'll keep you too busy to eat!

My fingers are crossed for you and the beta - what day next week?

Hopeful Mother said...

All totally normal thoughts. Hoping for a great beta next week, and then it will give you some time for this to all sink in.

annacyclopedia said...

Everything will be ok, Tara. It will be crazy for a while, and you will need more time to come to terms with it all, but it will be ok. You are such a good mama and you will figure it out in your own way and your own time.

On the booze thing - you could say you were talking to your really crunchy friend Anna who is all into alternative eatig and health stuff and she convinced you to try it out for a while because of yeast issues or something like that. I could make up an even flakier reason if you want - something about it sapping your life force or using up potential food in a wasteful way to make alcohol. Make it weird and nobody should want to engage you in conversation about it!

I'm thinking of you lots and sending you love.

Just Jen said...

Everything is going to be fine!

Scary to think about the big picture-- but take it one day at a time.

As for the BIL & SIL... knowing your previous history they would never guess in a million years that you are pregnant the old fashioned way. Give them some song and dance about how you are on antibiotics or something, then you will not have to modify your diet. Just a thought.

Let me know how you make out.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

Things will be okay because the only direction now is forward. And it will be very very very stressful for a bit. But you will get through everything. I'm sending good thoughts, sweetie.

Aurelia said...

Ok, you do know that Ruby will get lots easier as she walks and can propel herself? And can watch TV sometimes? And that the second one is light years easier because you will actually know what you are doing?

Thooo second time around, your stomach pops early. No hiding. No--wish I was kidding. Pretend you are postpartum still.

As far as drinking goes? Say it's all about antibiotics, or some other medication. Easy.

Don't sell your car or house until the new one arrives. Really. You can fit the car seats fine. And the house will be ok. Baby will be in your room at first, and then can move in with Ruby, just like we did with our two kids, until we could afford bigger. We lasted three years. And it was so much cheaper to stay in the small place for a while. You can do a year. Really.

And instead of moving all that way and being forced to buy a second car, (and you would have too) why not ask your Mom to commit to a certain amount of time per week helping? You could also start looking for teenage babysitters who could help you round the house, cheap. Don't leave them alone with the babies, but they would be an extra pair of arms.

In other words, all these problems are solvable. But none of them will matter for awhile until everything is settled with #2.

So please please don't jump into hasty decisions right now. This is all new and fresh and a bit wild.

Emily said...

It will work out. It will. I'm sorry you're scared.

Hold off on the moving for now. Think about it, and remember that the market is slow in the fall/winter, and picks up in the sping. Your place will sell for more in the spring, and there will be more inventory, so more chance of you finding a better place.

An experienced realtor I know used to always say... When you see people out washing their cars and hanging baskets of flowers, people also list their house, and that's when the market picks up.

I think you can buy a place by your parents for cheaper. If you decide to wait, it will be ok too. The baby will be in your room, and if necessary, you can evict the computer from that room for a nursery.

It will work out.

chicklet said...

Eek! I can't believe you're pregnant, yay! Couple comments though re your points...

1. Re the drinking, claim you're trainign for a triathlon or half marathon or something. Seriously, nobody even BLINKED an EYE when I wasn't drinking and I said I was training. While I really was training, it doesn't matter for you cuz it's an easy excuse that most people will respect (then later you get to bail cuz woohoo, you're pregnant and can't run it!).

2. Re the running, keep it up as long as you can - it pays off. Really. Even if it means doing intervals or shorter runs or whatever, do what you need to do and what your body will let you. I had to cut back and do intervals sometimes, but I'm so very glad I did. Not just for the fitness, but for the easy pregnancy too.

3. Re it all being okay, I can't say if it will or if it won't, but if other people can do it, you're way smarter so can do it too:-) Really.

Spacey said...

Everything will be ok. ((hugs))

Cece said...

I feel like I should give you my phone number - I just went through all this 6 months ago. Let me tell you where I ended up:

1. House. We are making everyone fit. Babies don't take up a lot of space.
2. Car. I am keeping my current car. It's a small SUV. I know I can fit Hulk's carseat with 2 of the baby bucket seats, and I will deal with the other seats later (you know about the movie/book Gone with the Wind? I'm taking that tact on lot of this - just thinking about it later).
3. Work. Dude. They are going to have to deal. I can't even tell you how nervous I was to tell work I was pregnant, with TWINS. They were happy for me. If your work isn't, they need to get over themselves.
4. Money. Somehow it will all work out. It just has to, doesn't it? People with a heck of a lot less then us raise more than 2 or 3 kids and do a wonderful job. It's just a lifestyle change (this one is taking me a LOT longer to adjust too - but it's true). I have accpeted that some of the debt that I was plannig on paying off by the end of this year is going to have to wait, but that isn't the end of the world.
5. Diapers/strollers/many babies.... you can swing it! And Ruby will always remember having her sibling - it'll be wonderful as they grow up together.

Breathe. I know it's hard. I know. It's nothing that you ever expected. But it's great - it really is. And it's totally totally ok to be freaking out about it. I think it took me a good 3 months to come to terms with the whole thing. You can do this!

Alicia said...

First, everything will be OK.

Second, say you're on WW again, and you've only budgeted your points for dinner, no drinks.

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