Still, all along she's been as cute as all hell.
Here's some feel-good Ruby pictures:
Out strollin' in the sunshine:
The shirt says "Heart breaker"
Baby skull shirt 
Saturday, January 31, 2009
What I'm doing right...
Ruby has had a rash on her face and neck and chest for a couple of weeks now. It started out as baby acne but then got really crazy all over her. I've been washing her face with boiled water every day and keeping milk from running down her neck when she's eating. And in the past week it has started to dry out - except it really dried out. Her poor little face was soooo dry. I've been applying olive oil (yup, just plain old olive oil) to her skin daily and it's doing wonders! She's slowly getting a clear face again.
Still, all along she's been as cute as all hell.
Still, all along she's been as cute as all hell.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Do not leave child unattended
I debated on whether to post about this because I'm feeling so incredibly fucking stupid and guilty and really embarrassed about it.
Yesterday I was doing two things at once - being Ruby's mom, and making mashed potatoes for dinner. The potatoes were boiling on the stove and ready to be mashed and I was sitting on the couch with Ruby while she slept. I left Ruby sleeping on the couch and went around the corner into the kitchen. Drained the potatoes. Added milk, butter and salt. Started mashing. Heard a thump from the living room.
My heart sunk and my first thought as I spun around was "please let that noise have been the dog". Except the first thing I saw as I turned around was the dog staring in the direction of the couch. I flew across the kitchen and around the corner to see Ruby laying face down on the ground. I felt like the blood drained from me and my heart came out of my chest.
She had apparently wiggled in her sleep and slid off the couch. I really didn't think she could do that yet.
She didn't start to cry until I got to her - which seemed like an eternity but was probably only 10 seconds at the most from the time I heard her fall. I scooped her up off the floor and immediately checked her all over. Luckily, thankfully, ohhhh soooo thankfully, she was still in perfect working condition. She cried for a bit and I held her and rocked her and bawled my eyes out saying, "I'm so sorry Ruby, I'm so sorry. Mommy loves you SOOO much. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" over and over and over again.
And the rest of the day I was a wreck. Consumed with guilt. Feeling like a big fucking loser.
I had planned on giving Ruby a bath during the day but I opted to wait til Steve came home from work because my confidence was shaken, as were my hands, arms and legs for the rest of the day. (After her bath, I ended up flooding the bathroom when I tried to pour her bath water into the sink but instead dumped it all over the bathroom counter and floor.)
I am so so sooooo thankful that Ruby is a healthy little pliable baby and she wasn't hurt in any way from my fuckup. I have been toting her around in the Baby Bjorn all morning this morning and when I have to put her down, I make sure she is strapped in tight to one of her chairs, or in the bassinet.
Another stupid lesson learned.
Tonight - we are having take out.
Yesterday I was doing two things at once - being Ruby's mom, and making mashed potatoes for dinner. The potatoes were boiling on the stove and ready to be mashed and I was sitting on the couch with Ruby while she slept. I left Ruby sleeping on the couch and went around the corner into the kitchen. Drained the potatoes. Added milk, butter and salt. Started mashing. Heard a thump from the living room.
My heart sunk and my first thought as I spun around was "please let that noise have been the dog". Except the first thing I saw as I turned around was the dog staring in the direction of the couch. I flew across the kitchen and around the corner to see Ruby laying face down on the ground. I felt like the blood drained from me and my heart came out of my chest.
She had apparently wiggled in her sleep and slid off the couch. I really didn't think she could do that yet.
She didn't start to cry until I got to her - which seemed like an eternity but was probably only 10 seconds at the most from the time I heard her fall. I scooped her up off the floor and immediately checked her all over. Luckily, thankfully, ohhhh soooo thankfully, she was still in perfect working condition. She cried for a bit and I held her and rocked her and bawled my eyes out saying, "I'm so sorry Ruby, I'm so sorry. Mommy loves you SOOO much. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" over and over and over again.
And the rest of the day I was a wreck. Consumed with guilt. Feeling like a big fucking loser.
I had planned on giving Ruby a bath during the day but I opted to wait til Steve came home from work because my confidence was shaken, as were my hands, arms and legs for the rest of the day. (After her bath, I ended up flooding the bathroom when I tried to pour her bath water into the sink but instead dumped it all over the bathroom counter and floor.)
I am so so sooooo thankful that Ruby is a healthy little pliable baby and she wasn't hurt in any way from my fuckup. I have been toting her around in the Baby Bjorn all morning this morning and when I have to put her down, I make sure she is strapped in tight to one of her chairs, or in the bassinet.
Another stupid lesson learned.
Tonight - we are having take out.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Too many places, too many faces
We have been taking Ruby out and socializing her quite a bit - and thus far we've been quite successful. She's been to a New Years Eve get together, a chick's night, out for lunch in restaurants with Steve and I, grocery shopping, midwife appointments, strolling through the mall - and she's had lots of visitors come to see her here at the house.
She's super good in these situations too. I couldn't ask for a better baby, really.
But Sunday I feel like maybe I foolishly (and not purposefully) took advantage of her good nature in social settings.
We were supposed to get company on Saturday day night but when my guests hadn't even started the trek from downtown to my house by 8pm, I politely asked them not to come over. I only get sleep in two hour stretches and couldn't imagine having someone arrive for a visit after 9pm in the evening. So the plan was changed to brunch at 11am downtown on Sunday - in a restaurant (which I wasn't crazy about but I hadn't seen my friend in a long time so I made the sacrifice).
And then we were invited to my parents house for dinner (an hour away). I really wanted to go to my parents house because we haven't had Ruby out there yet and my brother and his girlfriend and kids would be there. (Also, my mom is great with Ruby and gives me a bit of a break).
And then since we were going to my parents house, Steve wanted to stop in at his parents house also for a visit (they live 20 minutes from my parents).
We left the house at 10:30am and met our friends for brunch. It happened to be Ruby's feeding time so my breakfast sat and got cold on the table while I fed her in a cramped booth. She wouldn't eat her entire bottle, and then for the life of me I couldn't get a burp out of her. Of course she was passed back and forth to our friends as well.
After that, we made the hour drive and went to Steve's parents house. Since she hadn't eaten her whole bottle at the restaurant she was hungry and a bit cranky. I held her and rocked her while we warmed the bottle. I fed her and burped her and had her settled down when MIL wanted to hold her. I passed her over to MIL, when Ruby started fussing again - and then she was passed back to me. I danced around and talked to her and got her settled again when MIL said "I think she wants to come back to me now". I told her that Ruby was a little fussy so maybe she should stay with me. MIL then told me that it was because Ruby was hungry... even though I had just finished feeding her. I advised that she was not hungry and MIL said again that she wanted her. So... I passed her back to MIL, and Ruby started crying again and then power puked all over MIL's sweater. She was promptly passed back to me, and I once again rocked and cuddled her until she was happy. MIL came out in a new shirt (freshly sprayed with strong perfume) and took her back from me. Ruby puked on her again and started crying again.
Everyone (except me) started panicking and asking "is this the first time she's done this??" "What's going on???" I advised that no, it's not the first time she's cried. Babies sometimes do cry - but everyone was flustering around, worrying that something was wrong. (Which annoys me and makes things worse) I think the only thing that was wrong was that the room was a million degrees hot, the perfume was strong and she just wanted to be with her mom and not bounced around. So during the last crying jag, I took her into a bedroom and shut the door. The room was cool and quiet and as soon as I laid her on the bed, she stopped crying and actually started smiling and cooing at me. My sweet baby just needed a break. Mommy knew.
So Ruby and I hung out in the bedroom for a while and smiled and talked to each other until it was time to go.
Later, at my parents house, my mom took her and snuggled her and fed her. Then my dad held her. Then my brother held her. Then she came back to me. Then to Steve while I ate dinner. Then back to me while Steve at dinner. Then my mom held her again. (No crying fits this time).
When we were leaving, my dad commented on how good Ruby is and how successful this whole trip was. I said that we'd see how successful it was during the night.
And oh I was so right to be cautious. I fed Ruby before bed and then held her and rocked her to sleep. She slept for a while but then she started tossing and turning and grunting and groaning, and crying out. And this... went on all. night. long. She barely slept. And I barely slept. Usually we have 3-4 hours between feeds and I might get 2-3 hours sleep in between. Not this time. Ruby was so unhappy all night. Eyes like saucers.
So I think it's pretty obvious what happened. The poor kid was over stimulated. And I feel pretty bad about it. I should never have had her in so many different places in the day with so many people bouncing her around. I totally took advantage of her good nature. And about half way through the day it started to feel wrong and I knew I had fucked up. Poor little monkey.
Now, I know. Lesson learned. I can still take her out and she'll be good for me - but I also know that I can not overdo it like I did on Sunday. That's not fair to her. And she and I both suffer. Her from the over stimulation, me from the mommy guilt.
She's super good in these situations too. I couldn't ask for a better baby, really.
But Sunday I feel like maybe I foolishly (and not purposefully) took advantage of her good nature in social settings.
We were supposed to get company on Saturday day night but when my guests hadn't even started the trek from downtown to my house by 8pm, I politely asked them not to come over. I only get sleep in two hour stretches and couldn't imagine having someone arrive for a visit after 9pm in the evening. So the plan was changed to brunch at 11am downtown on Sunday - in a restaurant (which I wasn't crazy about but I hadn't seen my friend in a long time so I made the sacrifice).
And then we were invited to my parents house for dinner (an hour away). I really wanted to go to my parents house because we haven't had Ruby out there yet and my brother and his girlfriend and kids would be there. (Also, my mom is great with Ruby and gives me a bit of a break).
And then since we were going to my parents house, Steve wanted to stop in at his parents house also for a visit (they live 20 minutes from my parents).
We left the house at 10:30am and met our friends for brunch. It happened to be Ruby's feeding time so my breakfast sat and got cold on the table while I fed her in a cramped booth. She wouldn't eat her entire bottle, and then for the life of me I couldn't get a burp out of her. Of course she was passed back and forth to our friends as well.
After that, we made the hour drive and went to Steve's parents house. Since she hadn't eaten her whole bottle at the restaurant she was hungry and a bit cranky. I held her and rocked her while we warmed the bottle. I fed her and burped her and had her settled down when MIL wanted to hold her. I passed her over to MIL, when Ruby started fussing again - and then she was passed back to me. I danced around and talked to her and got her settled again when MIL said "I think she wants to come back to me now". I told her that Ruby was a little fussy so maybe she should stay with me. MIL then told me that it was because Ruby was hungry... even though I had just finished feeding her. I advised that she was not hungry and MIL said again that she wanted her. So... I passed her back to MIL, and Ruby started crying again and then power puked all over MIL's sweater. She was promptly passed back to me, and I once again rocked and cuddled her until she was happy. MIL came out in a new shirt (freshly sprayed with strong perfume) and took her back from me. Ruby puked on her again and started crying again.
Everyone (except me) started panicking and asking "is this the first time she's done this??" "What's going on???" I advised that no, it's not the first time she's cried. Babies sometimes do cry - but everyone was flustering around, worrying that something was wrong. (Which annoys me and makes things worse) I think the only thing that was wrong was that the room was a million degrees hot, the perfume was strong and she just wanted to be with her mom and not bounced around. So during the last crying jag, I took her into a bedroom and shut the door. The room was cool and quiet and as soon as I laid her on the bed, she stopped crying and actually started smiling and cooing at me. My sweet baby just needed a break. Mommy knew.
So Ruby and I hung out in the bedroom for a while and smiled and talked to each other until it was time to go.
Later, at my parents house, my mom took her and snuggled her and fed her. Then my dad held her. Then my brother held her. Then she came back to me. Then to Steve while I ate dinner. Then back to me while Steve at dinner. Then my mom held her again. (No crying fits this time).
When we were leaving, my dad commented on how good Ruby is and how successful this whole trip was. I said that we'd see how successful it was during the night.
And oh I was so right to be cautious. I fed Ruby before bed and then held her and rocked her to sleep. She slept for a while but then she started tossing and turning and grunting and groaning, and crying out. And this... went on all. night. long. She barely slept. And I barely slept. Usually we have 3-4 hours between feeds and I might get 2-3 hours sleep in between. Not this time. Ruby was so unhappy all night. Eyes like saucers.
So I think it's pretty obvious what happened. The poor kid was over stimulated. And I feel pretty bad about it. I should never have had her in so many different places in the day with so many people bouncing her around. I totally took advantage of her good nature. And about half way through the day it started to feel wrong and I knew I had fucked up. Poor little monkey.
Now, I know. Lesson learned. I can still take her out and she'll be good for me - but I also know that I can not overdo it like I did on Sunday. That's not fair to her. And she and I both suffer. Her from the over stimulation, me from the mommy guilt.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Bulleted update
~ I discovered that if I crank the music while Ruby is in her swing, she totally digs it. She will swing and chill out for an hour or two and I can get some shit done - which makes me feel oh so much better at the end of the day. She seems to like the rockier stuff and wakes up mad when the softer music comes on. She particularly liked Guns 'n' Roses yesterday.
~ I also tried her out with an activity mat - the one with the dangly stuff over her head. She really likes it! She talks to it and smashes the toys around and smiles lots. She gets tired or pissed off at it after about 15-20 minutes though.
~ She is still eating about every 3 hours. Sometimes 4 hours during the night. I so look forward to longer stretches between feeds. Not sure how to accomplish this.
~ Steve has started taking one of the feeds in the night. Halle-fucking-lu-ya! This practice started out very rocky and I almost gave up and did it myself. But I persevered and now it's getting much better. This provides me with a little longer stretch of sleep in the night. Except I wake up with rock hard and wet leaky boobs. I need one of those night time bras that the maternity stores all push.
~ I got my hair cut last night. Oh my god, I so needed it. I was started to get a little depressed about how I look. Now at least my hair is cute and shorter (also easier to manage).
~ Now if I could just get something done about this mommy tummy and my wardrobe. All my maternity clothes are way too big for me but my "fat" clothes are still too tight. I really don't want to spend money on new clothes right now because my body is still changing. It sucks because I've started getting out and about now (yeah!) and people want to take pictures of me and Ruby. Then when I see the pictures and I want to cry.
~ Ruby is changing so much. Every day she seems to be a little bit different than the day before. I love her like crazy.
~ I also tried her out with an activity mat - the one with the dangly stuff over her head. She really likes it! She talks to it and smashes the toys around and smiles lots. She gets tired or pissed off at it after about 15-20 minutes though.
~ She is still eating about every 3 hours. Sometimes 4 hours during the night. I so look forward to longer stretches between feeds. Not sure how to accomplish this.
~ Steve has started taking one of the feeds in the night. Halle-fucking-lu-ya! This practice started out very rocky and I almost gave up and did it myself. But I persevered and now it's getting much better. This provides me with a little longer stretch of sleep in the night. Except I wake up with rock hard and wet leaky boobs. I need one of those night time bras that the maternity stores all push.
~ I got my hair cut last night. Oh my god, I so needed it. I was started to get a little depressed about how I look. Now at least my hair is cute and shorter (also easier to manage).
~ Now if I could just get something done about this mommy tummy and my wardrobe. All my maternity clothes are way too big for me but my "fat" clothes are still too tight. I really don't want to spend money on new clothes right now because my body is still changing. It sucks because I've started getting out and about now (yeah!) and people want to take pictures of me and Ruby. Then when I see the pictures and I want to cry.
~ Ruby is changing so much. Every day she seems to be a little bit different than the day before. I love her like crazy.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Trouble
It's noon.
Clever little devil.
I am still in my pyjamas.
I have not brushed my hair or my teeth.
I haven't had a chance to eat yet today.
Ruby has been awake since 4am which means that I... have been awake since 4am.
It's time for her to eat and all I want is to do is feed her so she will go to sleep so I can have a nap. But she has only drank a little of her bottle and spits it out and won't drink anymore.
Just when I think I will never make it through the day... she looks up and me and does this:
Clever little devil.
Visitors
One of my very best friends is coming to visit this weekend. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I miss her terribly. We are so good together and she's really a kick ass person. She lives 10 hours (driving) from where I live so we don't get to see each other often. Her husband is currently in the area for 6 weeks on a course and she's flying in this weekend to be with him and to visit Ruby and I (and Steve).
The plan is for her and her hubby to come out here on Saturday and spend the evening hanging out with us (dinner, maybe a drink) and then they'll stay the night and leave sometime on Sunday.
I am so excited to see her but I'm having a bit of anxiety over it as well. I'm worried about sleep and about me not getting enough of it.
Since Ruby is still on a 3 hour feeding routine (4 if I'm lucky), I only get to sleep in 2 hour stretches, ever. So I've been trying to get to bed or nap as early as I can (when/if she's sleeping) and sleep or nap as late as I can in the morning (when/if she's sleeping).
I know that if I have company here, especially a girlfriend I haven't seen in too long, I will be up late visiting.
However, Ruby doesn't give a shit how late I stay up or what the circumstances are - she still wants to eat every 3 hours. I will still be awake to feed her at midnight, 3am, 6am... And I will still have to change her diapers and then pump milk and try to get her back to sleep as soon as I can.
I am a girl who needs sleep. With the history of depression and anxiety attacks that I have, it's super important that I get enough sleep. When I don't, I can totally feel my mental health waning. For example; last Saturday I went to a girlfriend's house for a girls night (I brought Ruby with me). I was home by 10pm but I still suffered greatly because I was exhausted. Sunday I had a few unexplainable anxiety attacks and some blue feelings.
And then there's the chance that I could have a morning like I'm having this morning. Ruby was awake at 4 am and did not go back to sleep until about 10 minutes ago. Meaning, I also have been up since 4am. I'm super tired but I'm going back to bed to nap until she wakes up to feed again. If I have guests here, I can't exactly go to bed early or nap while they're sitting at my kitchen table...
I'm sure I'll survive, I'm just a little concerned about how I will handle it.
The plan is for her and her hubby to come out here on Saturday and spend the evening hanging out with us (dinner, maybe a drink) and then they'll stay the night and leave sometime on Sunday.
I am so excited to see her but I'm having a bit of anxiety over it as well. I'm worried about sleep and about me not getting enough of it.
Since Ruby is still on a 3 hour feeding routine (4 if I'm lucky), I only get to sleep in 2 hour stretches, ever. So I've been trying to get to bed or nap as early as I can (when/if she's sleeping) and sleep or nap as late as I can in the morning (when/if she's sleeping).
I know that if I have company here, especially a girlfriend I haven't seen in too long, I will be up late visiting.
However, Ruby doesn't give a shit how late I stay up or what the circumstances are - she still wants to eat every 3 hours. I will still be awake to feed her at midnight, 3am, 6am... And I will still have to change her diapers and then pump milk and try to get her back to sleep as soon as I can.
I am a girl who needs sleep. With the history of depression and anxiety attacks that I have, it's super important that I get enough sleep. When I don't, I can totally feel my mental health waning. For example; last Saturday I went to a girlfriend's house for a girls night (I brought Ruby with me). I was home by 10pm but I still suffered greatly because I was exhausted. Sunday I had a few unexplainable anxiety attacks and some blue feelings.
And then there's the chance that I could have a morning like I'm having this morning. Ruby was awake at 4 am and did not go back to sleep until about 10 minutes ago. Meaning, I also have been up since 4am. I'm super tired but I'm going back to bed to nap until she wakes up to feed again. If I have guests here, I can't exactly go to bed early or nap while they're sitting at my kitchen table...
I'm sure I'll survive, I'm just a little concerned about how I will handle it.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Two questions and red striped socks - Updated
Ruby hasn't pooped for over 24 hours. Does anyone know anything about this? I've heard that this can be totally normal but I'm still a little concerned and wonder what I should do.
~
I'm looking for something that I can use to warm bottles while I'm on the go. I went to BRU yesterday but they have nothing like that. My mom said that back in the day when they used to drive from BC to Ontario they had this warmer thingy that they plugged into the cigarette lighter and it warmed up coffee, tea or... bottles - but I've not seen anything like that. Does anyone know where I could get such a thing - or does anyone have any other suggestions?
~
Here's a picture of Ruby in her funky red striped socks:
~UPDATE~
Because I know you were all wondering - Ruby pooped. A lot. And it was all good. And I researched online and got a few comments and now I know that this is normal.
The next thing I have to worry about now is this rash she has. It started out as baby acne but it seems to be covering quite a bit of surface area now. Down her neck, back of her ears, little bit on her chest and back and I think there might be some on her diaper parts. Is THIS normal? I suppose it probably is but you know, I worry. And I'm a rookie so I don't know what's normal yet.
As for the bottle warmer, I've found a few online (none in the local BRU). None of them get great reviews though - mostly because they take about 20 minutes to heat a bottle, but I think I'm ok with that because I pretty much know when she is going to want to eat and I could plan ahead. As long as it would KEEP the bottle at the right temp for about an hour or so. (Going to check out the one you suggested, Candi - thanks).
~
I'm looking for something that I can use to warm bottles while I'm on the go. I went to BRU yesterday but they have nothing like that. My mom said that back in the day when they used to drive from BC to Ontario they had this warmer thingy that they plugged into the cigarette lighter and it warmed up coffee, tea or... bottles - but I've not seen anything like that. Does anyone know where I could get such a thing - or does anyone have any other suggestions?
~
Here's a picture of Ruby in her funky red striped socks:
~UPDATE~
Because I know you were all wondering - Ruby pooped. A lot. And it was all good. And I researched online and got a few comments and now I know that this is normal.
The next thing I have to worry about now is this rash she has. It started out as baby acne but it seems to be covering quite a bit of surface area now. Down her neck, back of her ears, little bit on her chest and back and I think there might be some on her diaper parts. Is THIS normal? I suppose it probably is but you know, I worry. And I'm a rookie so I don't know what's normal yet.
As for the bottle warmer, I've found a few online (none in the local BRU). None of them get great reviews though - mostly because they take about 20 minutes to heat a bottle, but I think I'm ok with that because I pretty much know when she is going to want to eat and I could plan ahead. As long as it would KEEP the bottle at the right temp for about an hour or so. (Going to check out the one you suggested, Candi - thanks).
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