Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Final Chapter

My year long maternity leave is close to ending. I return to work in less than a month.  I have spent more time on maternity leave over the past 2 1/2 years than I have spent at work. Admittedly I am a little bit (or a lot, depending on the day) stressed and overwhelmed with the ginormous change that is about to take place in my life, in my family's lives. Obvious things like getting kids ready to be somewhere every morning at 7am.  Not being home during the day. Not having the "freedom" that I have now.  My kids adjusting to not being with me all day.  ME adjusting to not being with my kids.  Organizing the cooking and cleaning and maintenance in my home that I do now during the day. 

But there's also other stuff. 

Like, the realization that I'm now entering the real world and the rest of my life. No more babies.  No more maternity leave. This chapter of my life is coming to a close and will never happen again. I hope I've made the best of it.  I hope I can look back on it with fond memories and be proud of myself and how I spent these first years with my babies.

It's also made me think a lot about this blog.  I find myself writing here less and less.  Often I struggle with what to write in this space and how often.  Lately, more often than not I've used it as a place to bitch about my inlaws or my husband - boo!  I have found this blog to be a wonderful place to get support and help and suggestions from some of the smartest women in the world (you guys!). I would be sad to let it go. But... I think that's where I'm headed.  Mixed feelings about that.  I have been a part of the IF community for many, many years.  I think I've been holding on to this blog to continue to hold on to that part of me but maybe it's time to release it all. 

I will not be totally gone, however. I do have another blog that I have been writing for years and years (long before the IF years). And I will continue to write there.  I have always been open on that blog about my IF, however I have left out some of the nitty gritty details and many of the deeply personal struggles.  Obviously I've also omitted the private matters with my ILs and battles with my husband (only because they read it). Lately I have found myself to be more and more open and honest and "naked" when writing on that blog, regardless of the fact that so many people I know IRL (including family) read it and that can be a bit scary sometimes.

I invite you all to join me at  Tarable and to comment your little hearts out, no holds barred.

I also plan on still keeping tabs on all of you.  I will continue to read and comment, however I will be ever so cleverly disguised as "Tarable" instead of Tara.

Feels strange to be moving on.  It's good though.  Change is good.  Moving forward is good.

Moving forward.


JJ said...

This makes me a little teary--because I have been blogging with you for what seems like forever--those early days when it was soooo hard. Wow...memories.

But you better KEEP blogging at Tarable, because I would miss you WAY too much. xoxo

Kristin said...

Hello! I know you don't know me, but we've got something in common. I got your blog address off the Stirrup Queen's blogroll and was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me help a couple who is trying to add a little one to their family. We're holding a silent auction for them this weekend (Friday and Saturday) on and need help getting the word out! We would love it if you would spread the word via social media or here on your blog. Additionally, we are always looking for more donations to auction off, so if you or someone you know might be interested in making a donation, all the information is under the donate tab. If you have any questions or would be willing to post a pre-written blog post about the auction and the sponsored couple, please contact Kristin at Thanks in advance for taking the time to consider this!

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Mommy Someday said...

Can I please be added to your private blog at "tarable"? I have been following you for years and would like to continue to do so... I have been moving over the last month and didn't know you had cone private until today. Hope all is well with you and that your big change is going smoothly :-).

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