My year long maternity leave is close to ending. I return to work in less than a month. I have spent more time on maternity leave over the past 2 1/2 years than I have spent at work. Admittedly I am a little bit (or a lot, depending on the day) stressed and overwhelmed with the ginormous change that is about to take place in my life, in my family's lives. Obvious things like getting kids ready to be somewhere every morning at 7am. Not being home during the day. Not having the "freedom" that I have now. My kids adjusting to not being with me all day. ME adjusting to not being with my kids. Organizing the cooking and cleaning and maintenance in my home that I do now during the day.
But there's also other stuff.
Like, the realization that I'm now entering the real world and the rest of my life. No more babies. No more maternity leave. This chapter of my life is coming to a close and will never happen again. I hope I've made the best of it. I hope I can look back on it with fond memories and be proud of myself and how I spent these first years with my babies.
It's also made me think a lot about this blog. I find myself writing here less and less. Often I struggle with what to write in this space and how often. Lately, more often than not I've used it as a place to bitch about my inlaws or my husband - boo! I have found this blog to be a wonderful place to get support and help and suggestions from some of the smartest women in the world (you guys!). I would be sad to let it go. But... I think that's where I'm headed. Mixed feelings about that. I have been a part of the IF community for many, many years. I think I've been holding on to this blog to continue to hold on to that part of me but maybe it's time to release it all.
I will not be totally gone, however. I do have another blog that I have been writing for years and years (long before the IF years). And I will continue to write there. I have always been open on that blog about my IF, however I have left out some of the nitty gritty details and many of the deeply personal struggles. Obviously I've also omitted the private matters with my ILs and battles with my husband (only because they read it). Lately I have found myself to be more and more open and honest and "naked" when writing on that blog, regardless of the fact that so many people I know IRL (including family) read it and that can be a bit scary sometimes.
I invite you all to join me at Tarable and to comment your little hearts out, no holds barred.
I also plan on still keeping tabs on all of you. I will continue to read and comment, however I will be ever so cleverly disguised as "Tarable" instead of Tara.
Feels strange to be moving on. It's good though. Change is good. Moving forward is good.