Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Struggle

So much going on right now. The stress level is somewhat “elevated”. I’m struggling. I’m overloaded. I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.

Work has pretty much smoothed out. Maybe too much. It’s gotten easy and I’m usually done “work” by noon, with nothing left to fill my afternoon. It drives me crazy. I’d like to be busy. Sitting here watching the clock tick is not my idea of a good time.

Ruby hates daycare. It’s been baaaad. And that makes me feel baaaaad. And if I’m going to be honest, I don’t like the way M (daycare lady) is handling it. When I picked Ruby up on Friday she said, “I hate to tell you this but today was the WORST day yet. Worse than her first day. And I am exhausted!” I picked up a hint of her being pissed off about it. She then went on to tell me that Ruby refuses to nap and it’s causing the other kids not to nap because she cries and wakes them up. She also told me that the other baby that’s there never cried and now that Ruby’s crying all the time she cries too. She also suggested that I haven’t socialized her enough around other kids because when the other kids go near her she cries. She said when she puts on music the other kids dance and Ruby cries.

I cannot help but to take this personally. I have done my best to be the best mother that I can possibly be. Ruby is obviously having a hard time adjusting to spending the day with strangers and I don’t know how I could have better prepared her for it. Should I have started dropping her off at the mall for a few hours each week and let her hang out there on her own??? You know, get her used to being in a strange place with strange people? She’s a fucking BABY for crying out loud! When do I leave my baby with strangers???

When I picked Ruby up on Friday she had dried snot on her face and when she saw me she started frantically signing “milk”. When I got her home I looked in her bag and I saw that the morning bottle that I send with her was still in there. She hadn’t been fed it. She has other smaller bottles there so I’m hoping she got one of those. But this morning I wasn’t going to take a chance so I fed her the bottle before we left. I mentioned this to M when we got there this morning and she got all defensive saying that she feeds her right away in the morning and her problem isn’t hunger. She “guarantees” it. I then mentioned to her that Ruby had a bite mark on her leg and that perhaps that’s why she cries when the other kids come near her. She got all defensive and said none of the kids that go there are biters… Maybe she fell on a toy. A horseshoe shaped toy the same size as a kid’s mouth with little notches all around it. Maybe they play with false teeth.

I also talked to her about Ruby having just spent the weekend around other kids and she was fine. She’s very social. She said that was just because I was there. Well, I was “there” but I wasn’t sitting beside her holding her hand. I was busy doing other things in the house.

She then went off about her university degree in child psychology and Ruby’s problem isn’t hunger or anything else other than she misses me during the day and can’t adjust to being around new people. Well then I wish she wouldn’t suggest that I didn’t socialize her properly or tell me how disruptive she is to the other kids or how “EXHAUSTED” she is after looking after Ruby all day. Because I pay her a LOT of money to do this job. And she has a “university degree”. And she’s done this for 8 years. So suck it up lady and help make my kid comfortable. And quit fucking making me feel bad! (or is that just me making myself feel bad?)

There has been a bunch of other stuff going on too. Like it was Ruby’s birthday on Sunday and we had a little birthday party for her. Steve’s family showed up two hours late. The rest of us tried to wait around to open gifts and have cake but in the end I said Fuck It and went ahead without them all. It was frustrating and put a gray cloud over the party.

And our fucked up, weirdo, asshole tenants moved out of our basement on Sunday morning as well. I’ve never been so happy to see the back end of someone. It was a super stressful morning though – particularly when Steve nearly came to blows with their “moving guys” (stoners with tattoos on their faces, reeking of pot). This also put a “tone” on our day. Not to mention the money we now need to spend to have the carpet professionally cleaned and Steve has to do some repairs to a broken door. I still don’t feel like the place is all mine yet. Renting out my basement was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in a while.

And Christmas is creeping up and I haven’t been able to get stuff done. We don’t even have a tree yet. I haven’t done all my shopping. Thinking about it makes my head want to explode.

I guess everything else wouldn’t be such a big deal if everything was ok with Ruby. She’s my number one concern and it rips my heart out to know that she’s having a rough go of it. But put it all together and I’m fucking fucked. I just want to cry my eyes out. The past few nights I’ve done just that but not until Ruby’s gone to bed, the dishes are done, the house is clean, lunches are made, dinner for the next night is planned and a load of laundry is in the washer. Shit still has to get done.

I know there's bigger, badder worse things going on in the world but in my little world this shit is tearing me down.

11 comments:

Mommy Shoes said...

I am so sorry this is so hard. I understand how much it hurts to leave your little one. ANd please forgive me for being direct, but you absolutely need a different daycare. When Z first started daycare in September, he really struggled and the response I got from his teacher was completely opposite of what you are getting. They were so kind and always focused on what positive thing he did that day even when it was a really hard day. And I have seen them with other new kids and they would never act the way your provider is. Right now, developmentally is the peak of separation anxiety and your provider needs to understand that and work with you. Her responses are absolutely unacceptable and the not feeding thing is enough right there IMO to find someone else. Lots and lots of hugs to you and Ruby.

Anonymous said...

totally agree with Mommyshoes. Also what have you done for yourself lately? not that it is any of my business just sounds like you could use a break to recharge.

serenity said...

I also agree with mommyshoes - O had a ROUGH go of it this summer with a transition from the infant room to the toddler room of our daycare center, and our providers were WONDERFUL in helping ease him through.

There will be some period of transition. Ruby's going from having mommy home 100% of the time while she's awake to something like 30% of the time, and as mommyshoes said, she's at the peak of separation anxiety.

A good caregiver will HELP ease that transition for the both of you.

Hang in there, hon. It's rough, being back to work. You don't need the guilt on top of it either. I'd spend that time looking for a different caregiver for her.

xxxx

noswimmers said...

I'm no daycare expert, but your lady sounds like a grade-A bitch. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. :(

Things will get better soon. Just be glad those crazy tenants are out!

Alicia said...

Agree with all the above. I've got warning bells going off in my head reading your post. I don't like this woman, and I haven't even met her. She's not helping. AT ALL. We switched daycares after Ellie's first week at the first one. It happens. The first one just didn't fit. When I met Teri, I knew it would work. It just felt right. Nearly 3 years later, and Teri is like family.

I know how hard it was for you to find this one, but I suggest you start searching for a new one. Soon. Even if it's a "school" instead of a home setting. I just wouldn't want to leave her with this woman any more. She can take her degree and shove it.

I know us saying this may be stressing you out even more, but I KNOW how hard it is to leave your baby with someone new. Someone you may not totally trust. You do it because you have to, but you certainly don't have to like it. With Teri, I actually LIKE leaving Ellie there because she has such a good time.

As for the tenants, GOOD RIDDANCE.

Femme said...

I have to agree about the daycare. If the care provider is acting that frustrated in front of you, what's happening when you're not around? I know it must be so hard for you right now and the thought of finding another daycare on top of everything else going on must be daunting, but it's something to consider. She should be loving on Ruby, not acting pissy because she's having a tough time transitioning and wasn't "properly socialized" by you (which, by the way, is a complete crock). Part of her damn job is to help Ruby with the transition! I'm getting pissed just typing this!

BTW - totally impressed with Ruby signing "milk". I've been signing to Little Husband since he was six months old and--while he understands completely what I'm saying--he has yet to sign back. I think he's a little older than Ruby so there you go! She's brilliant! ;)

Anonymous said...

Tara, you have received some good advice from the girls, above. I have to say that the fact that Ruby did not respond in a positive way from the first day, gets my spidey senses tingling. It's best to look elsewhere and Ruby will be your best indicator as to whether it's a good place or not. She's only one year old, for Gods Sake!! the socializing crap she's giving you is bullshit.
Please try not to stress, all will work out...
Love you
Corney

Emily said...

This does not sound like the right daycare for her, regardless of what happened today.

Is there any way family could take care of you, just to give you a bit more time to find a good daycare, instead of throwing her in any place because you're desperate to find somewhere quick?

Tough situation. I would feel the same as you. I can't even imagine how hard it is, first of all to even leave her, second of all for that bitch to say that stuff to you. I used to work at a preschool (about 10 years ago). Even older toddlers could take several weeks to adjust! Sheesh!

Perhaps you could find a 'daycare' where there is a larger group of children... There should be more staff at places like that. I know there is a kid:staff ratio. At least that way there might be someone that will take fondly to Ruby and pay some special attention to her while she gets used to the place? Also, being that it is a larger daycare you might be able to find more reviews on somewhere like that? I don't know. Oh wait... aren't there retarded wait lists at pplaces like that?

Wishing you sanity. And luck.

Emily said...

Take care of her. (Not take care of you). Hehe. Although I'm sure you feel the need to be taken care of right now! :)

Me said...

Tara, this is not your fault! If a woman with a university degree can't understand that it takes babies...adults for that matter...weeks to adjust then she is an idiot! I would tell her to F herself and file a complaint against her so her daycare is investigated. For Ruby to come home with dried snot on her face and a full bottle in her bag suggests she isn't doing her job. I am in shock over this woman. She should not be taking care of children if she is "frustrated" with them! That is her JOB!!

Don't worry, Ruby will find a loving daycare and she will adjust perfectly.

Spacey said...

I just read this after your most recent post and yes, please find Ruby a different daycare provider. This lady doesn’t sound like the best fit for Ruby at all. All kind of red flags went up in my head when reading this. It also sounds like she is unloading everything on you and putting the blame on you when it is far from it. ((big, big hugs))