Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What does a nervous breakdown feel like???

When I went to pick up Ruby today at daycare, M avoided eye contact with me for the first few minutes and busied herself with tidying the room. When I finally locked eyes with her I asked, wearily, how the day went. She told me there was little to no improvement.

And then she said, "I give her til friday to make some improvement and if there is none by then, you'll have to find someone else to look after her."

Fuck if the tears didn't start rolling down my cheek right then. I couldn't help it but I hated myself for it.

She told me that she just can't handle it that Ruby's not adjusting. She's only happy when M is holding her and M has other kids to care for so she can't hold her all the time. And Ruby doesn't want to nap when she's there. She only napped for 20 minutes today.

After she blithered on about this or that thing that Ruby did that was so crappy she then said to me, "You know what the worst part is??? I work a 10 1/2 hour day and I'm not getting a break!"

Well, I'm so sorry for you. I pay her $650 per month to take care of my little girl. She's got a total of 5 kids so she's making some good cake to miss a couple of breaks. Ruby's gone there a total of 5 days and she's already asking me not to bring her back. Is 5 days enough time for a baby to adjust to something so new? Has she never had a baby that needed time and maybe a little extra attention to get used to the new arrangement before? Seriously, what the fuck?

And so I am a wreck right now. It took me months to find this daycare. I researched and looked around until I found what I thought was the perfect daycare. Now I'm supposed to find a new place within a week? While I'm working full time? Oh I'm sure there's loads of openings on such short notice. And I don't want to just drop her off somewhere that I know nothing about just because they have an opening. I need to try to find her a good, kind, caring place that is going to understand and help her with her separation anxiety.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. Crying my eyes out certainly isn't going to find me a daycare, but it seems that that's all I can do right now.


JJ Keith said...

Whoa, whoa whoa! This daycare lady does not sound awesome. It's her job to get Ruby comfortable with daycare. No kid loves having her routine changed or being away from mom all of a sudden. Ruby is entitled to find this change frustrating and act out accordingly. The only thing M is entitled to is to deal with it and deposit your check.

I feel like a bear for putting such an assertive opinion in your comments without knowing you beyond your blog, but my thinking is that you need to find a new daycare regardless of whether she 86'es Ruby. There's got to be someone else qualified willing to accept a lot of money to look after a wonderful little girl.

rocket.queen. said...

Honestly, she sucks. If Ruby is having that many issues, I am inclined to think it ISN'T just Ruby. I taught daycare/childcare for years and yeah, some kids cry, but I NEVER had one that I could get to calm down at all. Even my difficult nappers were ok if I sat with them during nap time or let them look at books or color if they just WOULD NOT sleep. Methinks she is expecting a litle robot.

Alicia said...

This woman is pure shit. She has no idea what she's doing. Her "degree" must have come out of a McDonald's Happy Meal. She's not doing something right. That's all there is to it. Most children want to be held, especially when in a new environment, because it makes them feel safe. They have their guard up because they don't know what to expect. Hello, Lady!? The child is most likely trying to adjust but you're not giving her the tools to do so.

I'm just so angry right now. If there's some kind of Better Business Bureau you can report or "review" her on, I totally would. What a load of crap.

I'm so sorry you're stressing right now. Deep breaths, Hon. I got my referral from my pediatrician. I lucked out. My daycare provider normally finds her kids through word of mouth and through her church. Maybe check the message boards at your local churches for licensed women doing daycare. It's worth a shot. Good luck.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

This lady sucks! Your daughter has been with you pretty much exclusively for a year-this is all new to her and there is always an adjustment stage. Not to mention sometimes kids have off times, too. Last week M screamed everyday at dropoff which has rarely happened in the 14 months he has been there.

She sounds like she has no compassion for your daughter and really no brain in her head. I'm surprised you didn't let that heartless bitch have it! I know it is hard, but you've got to get you child out of there! And, I wouldn't hesitate to let it be known to everyone you know what a horrible caretaker she is.

Femme au Foyer said...

Not sure what part of town you live in but I have some friends up there who have babies and who might be able to point you towards a better daycare. I know you have a ton of friends who can help you but please let me know if you'd like me to ask around. That's insane and that woman is grossly incompetent. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this is a good thing. Better to find out now that the woman sucks than several months from now. If she's that frustrated I'm afraid she'll eventually take it out on Ruby.

Sorry if that freaks you out. It makes me sick myself.

annacyclopedia said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this, Tara. That woman really does sound like a bit of a bitch. To expect a one year old to adjust perfectly within a week or two is absurd - clearly her degree failed to teach her any basic common sense. And sure it's hard to hold her all the time - but has she tried putting her in a sling for a while so she can calm Ruby and have her hands free? Has she never experienced this sort of situation before? It really boggles the mind that she doesn't have the skill to make this work.

anyway, hope this works itself out for the best with a minimum of stress for you. I'm sending good thoughts and big hugs your way.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

She sounds like the devil.

My two cents is that this is her job. She is paid to provide CARE to your daughter, and if that care means she has to skip a little me-time, so be it. If she isn't willing to do that, then she isn't providing the care your daughter deserves.

It'll be okay. I'm sending Internet hugs and warm wishes. I know it will all work out in the end.

tara said...

well, shoot. im new to your blog but this sounds awful. im sooo glad you're taking rudy out (per your twitter sidebar). i think M has issues.

i dread the day i have to do the daycare thing with little j.

JJ said...

Dude, she sucks. This whole situation just breaks my heart--its not easy PERIOD to have to make this transition, and shes not making it any easier on either of you. Ive been thinking about you...I know youve got a lot swirling around in your head. BIG, BIG hugs for you and Ruby!

Me said...

This is going to sound rude but this bitch is neglecting your child. File a complaint against her! Babies are very perceptive and Ruby is picking up on vibes from this woman and reacting to her by crying and fussing. Just like when Mommy is stressed and baby can sense it. Be thankful that this woman is not watching your sweet girl anymore. I am off for 2 weeks as of Dec 21, leave Ruby with me until you find someone you feel comfortable with and trust. I have no problem with it at all. I am here at home taking care of Ariyan and he would love to have his friend over to have daily playdates. I honestly do not mind. Do not hesitate to take me up on it!! Kisses and Hugs your way!

serenity said...

Tara. The other commenters said this WAY better than I can, but honestly, as much stress as it is to find another provider for Ruby? I think it's a VERY GOOD THING. for the BOTH of you.

Because she does NOT sound like a good provider. Not one iota of nuturing in her at ALL.

And I'll bet you ANYTHING that Ruby knows it, too. You find someone both of you trust? Once she adjusts, it won't be NEARLY as stressful as what you're dealing with now.

Hugs hon. Hang in there.


Spacey said...

Oh wow. I'm so sorry, but to me this lady doesn’t sound like a good care giver for Ruby. She sounds like she cares about her pocket book more than the kids she takes care of. Yes, taking care of children is a hard job with little or no breaks, but it’s the career choice she made so she has no reason to throw it in your face. To me that sounds really unprofessional. I also think that 5 days is really little time to allow a LO to adjust to a new environment. Honestly, I would be looking for a new day care provider even if she decides to keep Ruby on past Friday. I am so sorry you have this added stress right now. ((hugs))

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