Thursday, December 17, 2009


Ruby was officially done at the daycare yesterday at 8:45am. When I dropped her off she was clawing away from M. I don’t blame her. That woman is a bitch and I am seriously disappointed in how she handled things.

So I came to work, discussed the situation with my boss who told me, “Go get her. You don’t leave your kid with someone like that.”

I called ahead to let M know that I was coming to get Ruby and she wouldn’t be coming back and that I would like a refund for the remaining days of the month (she hesitated but agreed to refund me). When I got to M’s house 20 minutes later, she had Ruby’s bags packed and a cheque sitting by the door for me.

When I first got there she was holding Ruby on her hip. Ruby didn’t see me at first but I saw her. She had a blank, distant, sad stare on her face. THAT is not my daughter. She is happy and funny and giggly and smart. THAT broke my heart. I KNOW something is not right with the way M treated her.

And when we left and M was saying goodbye to Ruby, I swear to you Ruby glared at her. She would not smile whatsoever. She just glared. I’ve never seen her do that before.

And minutes after I got her in the car she was fast asleep - which broke my heart (again) because obviously just being there was taking a lot out of her.

My theory? Ruby had to get up early on the day she started daycare so she was probably tired to begin with. Then M refused to let her nap until the “scheduled” time at 11:30 – which she tells me is when all the kids nap for 2.5 hours (and she gets her precious break). I think Ruby was probably overtired by that point and couldn’t do much more than cry. I think that M didn’t appreciate Ruby cutting into her break and got frustrated and probably mean to her. (Yes, I do think she was mean). Ruby would pick up on this and it would upset her even more, perpetuating a bad mood into a bad situation.

And somewhere along the line one of the kids bit her hard enough to leave their dental impression on her leg for a week. That can’t have made Ruby feel great about the other kids. Also, M had no idea that this happened… which kinda bugs me.

After that, I’m sure Ruby was nervous and sensed the frustration with M. It just made things worse and worse and worse. Ruby didn’t like it there and she didn’t like M. And as far as I’m concerned M did nothing to make it better. As far as I’m concerned she didn’t do her job.

She even had the nerve to complain to me one day that Ruby had pooped 3 times. She was really annoyed by that.

I am so glad to have her out of there. I’ve got some help for the next few days from my mom and my girlfriend and Steve to take care of her while I search for someone to take her in January.

I just worry about finding another place. I worry about finding somewhere/someone good. Clearly I fucked up the first time. I don’t want to make the same mistake. I swear this woman came across as a very kind, loving, fun, compassionate caregiver – and I was so so so wrong about her. I am doubting my instincts now and haven’t started looking for a new place yet because I’m scare of putting her in the wrong place again. Especially on such short notice. I know though, that the longer I put it off, the harder it will get. I really have to get on it soon. There’s just so much stress weighing my heart and my brain down right now, I want to be feeling fresher and sharper before I go ahead with my new daycare search.


Somewhat Ordinary said...

That is so good you got her out of there! I won't even go into all the things I think of that woman. At my son's day care at 15 months they move them to a "little" toddlers room for 15 - 24 month olds. At that point they start taking one 2 hour nap. At one they start to prepare them for the 1 nap a day, but to expect a kid to just cold turkey to her schedule is rediculous.

You will find a good place, I'm sure of it!

Just Another Jenny said...

Do you have any friends that need daycare or have a nanny?

Friends of mine have done Nanny sharing. It's more cost effective and the kids get to stay in a familiar environment. It would also give me a sense of having more control over what is going on. They follow your baby's schedule... not the center's.

Something to consider.

Good luck, I'm so sorry for your frustration!

Just Jen said...

Glad Ruby's out and you have options for the time being. The Day Home lady is a bitch, and her lack in professionalism is horrible. With her background and experience she would know that it can take up to 6 months for a baby to adjust and get over separation anxiety.

I would put your name on lists for as many places as you can, and interview as many as them as you see fit until you find the right one that does work for both Mom and baby.

Go with your gut, you'll know.

Thinking of you-- good luck.

Mommy Shoes said...

I am so glad to hear that Ruby won't have to go back there! I have been thinking about you both all week, esp when I dropped off and picked up from daycare b/c Z seems finally adjusted and doesn't cry when I leave and is now getting where he is not in a big rush to go home either. His teachers took the time with him to get used to and it is so much easier on me now knowing that he is ok. You will find the right place for Ruby so that you can be reassured also. It will just take some time for her to get used to it and you need a provider who is willing to go with that. If my poor kid had to go until 11:30 for a nap, he'd have a complete meltdown. He often doesn't even make it until 10 am. You now know a lot more questions about what to ask and what to expect when looking for a new provider.

Tobacco Brunette said...

Oh sweetheart. I'm just catching up with you and I'm sorry to read that you've got so much going on. It sounds extremely stressful and I hope things let up soon.

I'm so glad your boss understood and let you get Ruby out of there. That woman has no business running a daycare if that's how she handles the first week. I don't know if this is any consolation, but when I was high school and college I worked at a daycare center and it was the RARE child who began daycare and didn't have a difficult adjustment. Their whole worlds have just turned upside down, of course they're going to have difficulty. And, yes, it's disruptive to the rest of the class, but professionals who actually love children understand that and they work to help the baby make a smooth adjustment. So this problem wasn't you or was M. She's horrendous and I'm glad you guys are through with her.

I know that doesn't help you with finding a new center, but don't doubt yourself. When you interview new places, tell the provider about your experience and ask them how they would handle it. Most of these professionals are not like M - I think you just had bad luck.

Okay...sorry to be all preachy. Good luck with your search! XOXO

Alicia said...

I was talking to my daycare provider this morning about your situation, and she was, in a word, horrified. That woman has no business taking care of children. NONE. The one-nap thing is ludicrous.

You'll find a place that fits. I know you will. Don't give up on your instincts.

Anonymous said...

Tara, I'm so happy that you got her out of there. Don't worry so much about finding another provider. Now you know that Ruby is your best gauge to go by.
Love you

Diana said...

Good luck finding a new place, hopefully you can get some recommendations from people.

Spacey said...

I am so glad that Ruby is out of that toxic environment. I hope you'll find a better daycare environment for her in January. ((hugs))