Sunday, February 7, 2010

I cried x 3

* A third midwife was added to my team of two midwives. I met her for the first time on Thursday. She has the look that I desire. Not too skinny, but healthy. Not all supermodelish but beautiful in a toned down way. Almost tough looking but I don't mean that in a Joan Jett kind of way. I mean it in a sexy kind of, relaxed understated way (make sense? no?). And wouldn't you know it we discussed my weight. She didn't say anything bad about it but we did talk about how I can prevent myself from gaining 68lbs this time around. She told me I don't have to gain that much. That I should just resist the cravings. I don't get that many cravings this time around. I found her hard to talk to. I think part of it was my jealousy of her. And yes, I know how fucking dumb that is. I left there feeling quite depressed and I cried in the car afterwards and also when I got home.

* Ruby is now fully weaned off the bottle. She takes two or three cups of milk a day and as of this weekend it all comes from a sippy cup. The big test was the one before bed. But we had no problems with it last night so I packaged up all the bottles and put them away. I was really proud of myself and of Ruby and was quite happy. And then a half hour later I was really sad and I cried because she's growing up.

* I have a friend who is currently doing her second IVF cycle in hopes of becoming pregnant for the first time. She's very private and doesn't talk about it to anyone - usually including me. I talked to her on the phone about it a little bit when she first started her cycle. I sent her an email yesterday just to let her know that I am thinking of her and wishing her all the best. I got an email back tonight saying that she just did her transfer yesterday and that they didn't get to blastocyst but they had 3 transferable embryos. I bawled my eyes out when I read it. Here I thought I was kind of past that IF emotion stuff but as it turns out I was just suppressing it because I had too many other things to think about. Who knew?

1 comment:

Emily said...

Regarding the new midwife... um, I would have cried too. Plus you have the added hormones going on right now!

Good luck to your friend going through her second round. I really don't think this infertility gig will ever get away from any of us, even those have had success. I think it's traumatic to have that sort of crap done to our bodies (not to mention the emotional and financial toll it takes). Most people don't have to have a foot long needle shoved through their vaginal wall and into their ovaries. Most people don't have to shoot themselves up multiple times a day. Most people don't have to look at embryo growth, develpopment, and sometimes failure, whatsoever. I'm sure there are going to be many times in your future when it hits you hard.