Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My heart

The other night I was giving Ruby a bath and she fell and smashed her face on the side of the tub. She was hurt and very upset. Her mouth was bleeding and she even chipped her front tooth (which really sucks). I scooped her out of the tub and held her and tried to comfort her. She screamed and cried and freaked out. Then Steve walked in the room and she started kicking and hitting me to get away from me and get to him. He took her and she stopped crying.


After she settled down he handed her back to me and she started crying again and kicking to get away from me. She reached out to my mom. When my mom took her she stopped crying again. It made me feel really sad inside.

Then this morning she hurt her hand or something and I tried to hold her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She reached for Steve again and when he held her she stopped crying.


So you can imagine how I felt when I had to drop her off for her first day at her new daycare today and when she realized I was leaving she started crying and reached out to me...

And I had to turn my back on her and walk out the door.

Here’s my heart. I won’t be needing it anymore. It’s been ripped out of my chest and crushed and broken and shattered into a billion tiny little pieces.


Alicia said...

I know it means crap right now, but it does get easier. It does.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I thoiught of this quote when I read your post and seriously I think it everyday.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, sweetie. Wishing I could give you the biggest hug.

noswimmers said...

Oh hun, I'm sorry. ((HUGS))

JJ said...

Ugg, heartbreaking...so sorry for Ruby and for Mommy!