I've been trying to keep my shit together. Trying hard to find a good balance so that I can be an optimal mommy and still a happy, productive individual.
So I made the decision a few weeks back to start jogging again.
I used to be an avid jogger and really enjoyed it. I've missed it and thought it was high time I start up again. So for the past month or so, every day when Steve comes home from work, I am ready with my running gear on, and I go out for a little jog. I crank the music and I push myself. I enjoy my time (even if it's short) out in the fresh air, doing my body (and mind) some good. It's been really hard though, with all the extra baby weight and I long for the day when I can run a 5k again (and eventually maybe even start doing the odd 10k again). But for now I have been doing a walk/jog routine - and I even recently added some distance.
Things were going ok. It was my little block of time just for me.
And then yesterday my little block of time ended abruptly when I tripped and fell during my jog.
Yeah, I scraped up my hand and my elbow and my knee.
Like, fuck. Come on.
Now today I'm bruised and sore and achy, and just generally feeling crappy.
My mood is shit. I'm not sure if that is a direct result of my fall or if it's just an added bonus.
I really think it's bullshit that I was trying to do something good for myself and I got this sort of result. It's totally frustrating and disheartening.
On the other hand I do wonder about fate and think maybe if I'd kept jogging yesterday I might have been hit by a car and killed or hit by a stray bullet or something equally terrible like that and then I would be dead and Ruby wouldn't have a mommy. So if that was the deal yesterday then I'm ok with the fall and my minor injuries.
Yeah, that's how my fucked up head works sometimes...