Friday, September 17, 2010

Goodbye - for real this time

Last year at this time my midwives held their annual potluck picnic. Everyone who had a baby with them in the past year is invited and everyone mingles and chats and compares notes and of course it's a nice way to say goodbye to the women who cared for you during pregnancy and childbirth and the ugly weeks afterwards.

Last year Ruby and I attended. When I walked away I had a big lump in my throat, feeling sure that I would likely never see these women again - for obvious reasons.

Little did I know that I would become pregnant shortly after that picnic. Hell, when I look at the calendar it might have even been that very night!

And so this year the four of us attended the picnic. A mom, a dad, a daughter and a son. The family that I never thought I would have.

But mere hours before the picnic, Steve had a consultation with the doctor that is going to perform his vasectomy.


I spent TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS to get pregnant due to MALE FACTOR INFERTILITY and my husband is now going to get a VASECTOMY. Do you know how weird that feels??? There was a time when I was gutted at the possibility of living childless for the rest of my life and trying to figure out how I would come to terms with that and now I am sending my husband for a VASECTOMY.

He has less than 1% viable sperm for Christ sake!

Yet, here I was at the midwive's picnic for the second year in a row. I do not want to attend next year's picnic. Nor any subsequent picnics in the future.

So a vasectomy it is.

Still. The irony. Right?

When I walked away from the picnic this time and loaded up my family into my minivan, I did not have the lump in my throat. I knew that this was indeed goodbye... again. And that this time it was going to be goodbye for real. But this time it was on my terms and not at the mercy of infertility.

And I do perfer things to be on my terms.


Mommy Shoes said...

We are currently having this discussion (about the vasectomy). It's surreal, to say the least.

Candi said...

Ahh yes...I got a taste of that irony while getting my tubes tied last week after my c-section. LOL...we've come a long way girly. We went from thinking we'd never have kids at all, to having one through fertility treatments, then surprise pregnancies, and now we each have our perfect little families to parade around in our badass mini-vans! Crazy set of events, but what a ride it was!!

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Anonymous said...

I would love to know how you came to the decision that this was it, and you were ready to move on past the TTC stage into life beyond. DH and I made it through IF and have 2 little ones - well, 6 and 4. He is ready to be done and move on for sure. I am still not quite ready. I wish I knew how, or when, to say goodbye to the possibility of more kids. We aren't actively TTC at this point, just drifting. I don't know why I'm not ready to move on.

Thanks for your post!


(here from Stirrup Queens)

PFM said...

I got chills with your last thought. What a powerful post. I am not at the stage of saying goodbye. I have one adopted son and still hope to have more children, somehow. My RE told me a few years back that many of her parents eventually go on birth control or do something to prevent pregnancy. I understood what she was saying but couldn't imagine myself in that position. It is so nice to hear that a couple who has struggled so much has the family they always longed for.

Chickenpig said...

This post gave me chills. My husband and I also have infertility due to male factor. We haven't used any birth control for about 10 years now. It took us roughly 8 years and 6 rounds of IVF to have our kids, and I have never even thought of bc of any kind. I'm thinking...maybe we should rethink that philosophy? :)

However, I would seriously think about doing anything as permanent as a V just now. My husband and I thought we were DONE after having twins, but as time passed, I began to feel that I didn't want everything to be done. In a couple of years you may be thinking that a third child would complete your family.

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