I am struggling with being a mom of two kids so young. Ruby is going through the terrible twos and Lincoln is a baby who requires much love and care from his mom.
I've been doing my very best to keep it together and some days I do pretty good. Other days I go to bed dreading waking up the next day.
A few times I've felt sure that post partum depression was creeping in. With my long history of depression and anxiety, that scares me. These kids need so much from me, I can't afford to be depressed.
So when I got a severe case of vertigo two weeks ago it totally leveled me. Vertigo is the most awful awful awful thing to get. I could not care for my kids but I had to find a way.
I have lived in fear over the past two weeks that it would return. And this morning it did.
I was up half the night with a fussy Lincoln. Then at 5:30am as I was feeding him again, I turned to my right and the whole room let loose on me. I quickly took the medicine that I was given to combat vertigo but it has not helped me. I tried to ignore it and just go on with my day - because I don't have much choice to do anything otherwise. But as I was bent down helping Ruby put on her shoes, the room spun hard on me and I fell.
Since then I can't stop crying. I am fucked. I am so afraid I will have this for the rest of my life. I can't function. I am nauseous. I am exhausted. I can't sleep because when I close my eyes the room spins. I don't know how I can take proper care of my kids when I feel like this. They need me to be able to look after them and I can barely move.
I have a doctors appointment this afternoon but have little hope for any resolution.
I feel total despair right now.