I am struggling with being a mom of two kids so young. Ruby is going through the terrible twos and Lincoln is a baby who requires much love and care from his mom.
I've been doing my very best to keep it together and some days I do pretty good. Other days I go to bed dreading waking up the next day.
A few times I've felt sure that post partum depression was creeping in. With my long history of depression and anxiety, that scares me. These kids need so much from me, I can't afford to be depressed.
So when I got a severe case of vertigo two weeks ago it totally leveled me. Vertigo is the most awful awful awful thing to get. I could not care for my kids but I had to find a way.
I have lived in fear over the past two weeks that it would return. And this morning it did.
I was up half the night with a fussy Lincoln. Then at 5:30am as I was feeding him again, I turned to my right and the whole room let loose on me. I quickly took the medicine that I was given to combat vertigo but it has not helped me. I tried to ignore it and just go on with my day - because I don't have much choice to do anything otherwise. But as I was bent down helping Ruby put on her shoes, the room spun hard on me and I fell.
Since then I can't stop crying. I am fucked. I am so afraid I will have this for the rest of my life. I can't function. I am nauseous. I am exhausted. I can't sleep because when I close my eyes the room spins. I don't know how I can take proper care of my kids when I feel like this. They need me to be able to look after them and I can barely move.
I have a doctors appointment this afternoon but have little hope for any resolution.
I feel total despair right now.
10 comments:
I can only imagine how you feel. I have 2 young children as well-Isaac is 2 (28 months to be exact) and Piper is 11 months. . . .caring for them when you feel 100% is exhausting and scary, but trying to care for them when you feel horrible, is completely overwhelming I'm sure. I am praying your doctor appt. offers you some hope-know that things will get better. . . maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but things will get better. . . I truly believe that and I hope you can too.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have no experience with vertigo but it sounds horrendous. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you find a solution fast.
Oh honey - here we both are suffering suffering suffering. What the hell is up with that shit?
I am hoping that your Dr can help but make sure they look at your feelings of not coping too. You can take Zoloft & still breastfeed if you want. Also maybe call http://www.postpartum.org/index.htm - I just did and I wish I had ages ago they have lots of resource suggestions. I hope you don't have PPD but if you do know that there are a lot of amazing women out there that know what you're going through. Huge hugs.
xoxo
Oh, Tara! That is just the shits. It sounds so scary and so hard today.
I have few answers, but it is almost certain that the vertigo will not last forever. I really hope that it leaves soon and leaves for good, but in the meantime I wish you peace and comfort in all forms. Huge hugs to you.
Oh hon that must feel TERRIBLE ..... I didn't realise you could get vertigo even when you're not looking over the edge of something.
I really hope the doc could do something for you, love to you. You are stronger than you think, promise. XO
I wish I could do more...I would totally be over there in a flash. Holding you in my thoughts, friend. BIG hugs! xoxo
Oh hon, you poor, poor thing. Vertigo is bad enough, but to try to function with it? With 2 small kids? I want to cry for you. I really hope the doc had some good news for you. I'll keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
I had a couple episodes when I was pregnant. Thankfully, Steven is still not working so he was able to help with Carter. It is such an awful feeling. I hope your appointment is helpful and you can get some relief from such a terrible problem. Keeping you in my thoughts.
I came here from the Friday Blog Roundup, and I had to comment on this post. I hope your appointment went well, but if they didn't check your thyroid you should go back and have it done.
I suffered from terrible vertigo for seven months while my doctors searched for a cause to no avail. After I finally lost my job, my insurance, and my apartment, they found out I had hypothyroidism. They didn't think it was related to the vertigo, but after a week on levothyroxine the vertigo lessened enough for me to function. And once I added in a selenium supplement a few months later it got even better. I haven't had any vertigo for the past year except when I forgot to take my meds for a few days.
:( One day at time!
I am sorry that you are having a rough time.
Thankyou so much for your lovely comment on my blog post announcing our MFI - when I hopped online yesterday and checked my email, it was like receiving a huge hug, and was just what I needed.
Thankyou.
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