I woke up thinking I would do something domestic today since Ruby has been having some extra long naps these past few days and I have been on top of the housework and even looking for stuff to do. Flipped through some cookbooks and decided to make a yam and beef stew that I've never made before.
Then I went on facebook and looked through my girlfriend's houseboating pictures. All one hundred and something of them. Everyone is super skinny and in bikinis and drinking and carousing with boys and suntanning and swimming and I FUCKING HATE THEM ALL!
And my big thriller for today is making a yam and beef stew?
I walked to the store to get the ingredients for my stew and Ruby whined and cried the whole way. I had to bolt out of the store because she was getting really cranky and I didn't need the attention on me because I hadn't showered yet. Then when I got home I realized that I forgot coriander, so I had a little fit and slammed some cupboards. Steve happened to be home on his lunch break (no point in throwing a fit if nobody is there to see it) and he said to take the car and go grab the damn coriander.
So for a few minutes I was alone in my car and driving and I put the windows down and got the breeze going, and I started to feel a little better. And then Greenday's "Know Your Enemy" came on and the drums in the beggining of the song kinda got me a little sparky so I CRANKED it up and drove a little faster, but then I remembered that I was in a station wagon with a carseat in the back and then I started to cry.
I'm not saying that I'd trade in what I've got right now for anything but... some days I just wish everyone was a chubby housewife/mommy so that I'd have some more self esteem. Or something like that.
Yam and beef stew better be fucking spectacular.