I had a very symbolic dream last night. Amazing, really.
Steve and I were walking down a hallway. We were tired and holding on to each other for support. I felt love for him and coming from him.
A person from my past walked up behind us in the hall. This person is someone that Steve and I almost allowed to come between us in the past. Someone who caused us trouble and pain. I have held on to regret and guilt about the role I allowed this person played in our lives for a a long time.
In my dream this person walked past us. Ahead of us. Looked back at us. And then walked out a door into darkness. Gone.
Steve and I kept walking, leaning on each other. Arms draped over each other. Feeling worn out like we'd been through something physically and emotionally exhausting. A bit damaged. But together. Supporting each other.
It was a good dream. It felt right.
My SIL phoned the other night crying. Furious again with Steve. Her relationship with my BIL is over. She has to be out of their house by Friday. She's looking for an apartment to rent. I felt horrible about it. Can't help but feel somewhat responsible. It was an email exchange with ME and my HUSBAND sent it to her spouse. I had a heavy weight on my chest.
But I'm letting that go. This may have been the straw the broke the camels back for them but the camel was on his knees. I am not responsible for their demise or her pain. I am stepping back from both of them. Whatever happens is up to them. I have so much struggle in my world right now, I can't take on their troubles. And what good would it do anyways? I would just be making myself an easy target for blame or resentment - because that would be the easiest way to deal with their problems, blaming someone else.
The past few days have been better for Steve and I. He seems to be trying to be happier and kinder towards me. In turn I am trying to be less resentful and bitter and not so much of a bitch. I know I can be a bitch and I know it doesn't help things. We have been trying to talk in a civil and kind manner but that fact that there is talking at all is a good thing.