Giving shots, taking shots

Ruby had her 4 month immunization shots today. I had been dreading it for the past week, increasingly so yesterday and today. It's never a pleasant experience to have to take your baby to something that you know is going to hurt them (even if it is for the good of their health), and you would think that the health nurses should know this and maybe lay the fuck off with the ignorant, unsolicited advice.

Bitter? Why yes, I am.

I had no questions for the health nurse regarding Ruby. I have no complaints about Ruby. She's a great baby. She's healthy. We're happy. So give us the stupid needles and we'll get on with our day. We're busy people. We've got things to do.

But it seemed that she was looking for something to lecture about, some reason to spout off all her "valuable knowledge". So she started asking me questions.

She asked about Ruby's doctor, and I told her that Ruby doesn't currently have a doctor - my family doctor closed his practice while I was pregnant and during my pregnancy I was cared for by a midwife. The midwife then cared for Ruby until she was 8 weeks old and since then I have had no reason to take her to a doctor since she's been perfectly healthy.

So that started her first lecture. Apparently I need to find Ruby a doctor ASAP because when she DOES get sick I will have to scramble around to get her records.

Oh but I already have all her records with me - the midwife provided me with copies.

Still, she insisted that I find a doctor and take Ruby to him/her ASAP. Even if nothing is wrong with her. Ok. Fine. I will. (For the record I have been poking around for a new doctor. I just haven't found one yet, but I know I eventually need to - there's just been no rush.)

Then we got on about the breastfeeding. This is where I need to be a better liar and just answer "yes" to the question, "Are you breastfeeding?", because we got the same lecture we always do:

You're pumping? Why are you doing that?

So I explained the breastfeeding situation and how we got to where we are today... Which sent her into a tirade about how my milk is probably going to dry up (Ha! Nice try! I already had another health nurse try that one on me two months ago. She said that when I reached 3 months my milk would likely dry up if I didn't stop pumping and start breastfeeding exclusively. At 4 1/2 months I am still going strong and have an abundance of milk. Freezer is FULL, thank you very much.) Then she said that Ruby is old enough and strong enough now that she should be taking the breast and not a bottle. And that she would like to refer me to a lactation consultant.

I told her that we are happy the way we are right now, so no thank you. (Seriously, it's been 4 1/2 months now. As if I'm going to start that shit up all over again when we're quite content with where we're at now. Get over it, Health Nurse!)

But she continued on to say that if I change my mind (and clearly I should) that I should call and let her know because health nurses are very resourceful and very helpful.

Great. I'll keep that in mind. Don't hold your breath for my call, though.

Finally we got to the dreaded needles. And it was all the horror that I expected it to be. I had heard that the 4 month shots were worse than the 2 month ones and indeed they were. It really broke my heart to see Ruby hurt like that. Her little lip quivering, her eyes wide with shock and her little face going red before she burst into painful tears.

At that point I got a little emotional myself, and I tried my best to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I held a sobbing little Ruby to my chest and tried to console her.

And it was at that precise moment that this bitch went for the jugular...

"Has anyone told you about tummy time???"

Uh... Yes?!

"Because I notice she's got a bit of a flat head. Right now her head is still forming it's shape but do you realize that at some point that flat head is going to be irreversible? You might want to increase the time she's on her tummy and decrease the time she's laying on her back. Of course you should always be in the room when she's doing tummy time."

Oh really? So I should stop leaving her laying on her back, unattended all day while I smoke crack and turn tricks in the back shed???

Fuck off already!

That one stung for some reason. Maybe it was because I was in such a vulnerable state at that very minute, or maybe it's because she TOOK A SHOT AT THE SHAPE OF MY BEAUTIFUL BABY'S HEAD, or maybe it was because that was the straw that broke the you-are-a-shitty-mommy camel's back.

When I got outside, I lost my shit. I stood under a tree with Ruby in her stroller staring at me like a freak, and I sobbed my pathetic little heart out. I continued to weep as we walked home. Steve called to ask how it went and I lost it again, and since he couldn't understand what I was saying he came and picked us up when I was halfway home.

I do not understand why these nurses insist on pushing the cookie cutter, by-the-book style of raising a baby? Do they not realize that everyone is different? Every baby, every mom, every dad, every situation is different? For them to go so overboard with their unsolicited, unwanted "advice" without knowing fuck all about me and my baby and my life really sends me over the edge.

YES, I DO realize that "breast is best" - but that doesn't always work out for everyone now, does it? I'm doing my best with my situation and I've made peace with that - a long time ago. So if I needed your help I would ASK for it! And YES, I DO realize that my baby will eventually need a family doctor and I am looking for one. But we're not the kind of people that go to the doctor every time someone coughs. There's been no need as of yet, but I assure you when there is a need, Ruby will be in good hands. And YES I DO know about tummy time (come on, she's 4 1/2 months old. How facetious of you to ask if anyone had told me about tummy time - ignorant), and YES I DO realize her head isn't perfectly shaped - this happened very early on and I have her up and off her head most of the day unless she is sleeping.

Now I know why she left her office door open during the whole visit. It was so that I resist the strong urge to launch across the room and kick the shit out of the self righteous little bitch. I couldn't do it with the door open, too many witnesses.

Feeling rotten

My mom tells me that after you have a baby, your period is supposed to get easier.

So far, that has not been the case for me. I am currently fighting my third battle with AF since having Ruby and while this time is slightly less terrible than last month, I am a hurting woman.

I am so full of painful, achy cramps that I can hardly stand it. No over-the-counter meds have been working for me. Tylenol, Advil, Midol - nothing is working, even if I take larger than recommended doses.

And the tiredness, the lethargy! I feel like I am dragging around a piano. Everything is so difficult. I have ZERO energy. And my body aches - my legs and arms and back... ache, ache, ache!

And my appetite is all weird. I don't want to eat anything - seriously, this is NOT normal for me, I like to eat! So then I put off eating until I'm almost ready to faint because I don't feel like eating anything and also because I'm too lazy to make anything!

My daily walks that I've been going on? Pfft! The thought of going for a walk makes me want to cry!

And the flow? Heavy. WAY HEAVY. To the point that I thought something was wrong with me last month!

All my life I have not had too terrible of a time with AF. Not pleasant by any means - but I'd have maybe one day that I wouldn't feel great and that would be it. This shit is NOT what I'm used to.

I want it go away. I want it to go back to the way it was before.

Will it???

Demon baby

It took me a little while to figure this one out.

To be honest, when she first started doing it, it scared the shit out of me. I thought maybe she was having some sort of seizure, or that she was in a great amount of pain, or that maybe I shouldn't let her watch Paranormal State with me anymore because I wondered if she had somehow become possessed.

But with time, I realized what the issue is. She does this when she's tired. Overtired. When she desperately needs a nap but is fighting it with all her might.

Sometimes popping the soother in her mouth will make it stop. Sometimes she requires that soother to be dipped in gripe water.

She did this in the bank the other day and the whole place went silent and people turned to stare. Understandably I guess, it sounds terrible.

Bloggy love

I have a friend that I met about 15 years ago. Back in the day we were roommates for a period of time - I was hairdressing, she was going to school and bartending/DJing. We have both long since moved on to different careers, different interests, different cities, husbands, etc. But we've stayed friends through all of it.

One thing that neither of us were expecting? We both had to battle infertility.

And ever so coincidentally, we both cycled at the same time (in different cities) and we are now both "parenting after infertility". Our babes are 10 days apart.

Through it all - cycling through IVF, pregnancy, and now parenting she read my blog and we stayed in touch via email and FB.

AND NOW.... she's taken the plunge and has started up a blog of her very own!

If you've got a few minutes, stop in at Traded High Heels... For Stroller Wheels and give her some of that awesome bloggy love.

Game 2

Tonight we're going out to watch the game. There's a Boston Pizza down the street from our place and the three of us are going to walk there to watch the game in the sports lounge. It seems like the perfect setup because:

~We're walking there, getting a bit of exercise

~I don't have to cook

~I get to get out of the house and into a "social" atmosphere

~Ruby gets to come too

~I can have a cocktail or two and it's totally ok because nobody is driving

Sounds like a good situation all around - which usually means that something will fuck up, but we'll give it a shot anyways and see how it all pans out.

Oh, and Ruby is wearing her lucky Canuck jersey again tonight but this time she has a flower in her hair so that no Dumb-Dumbs call her a boy.

Here's her game face:

Girls can be hockey fans too.

Occasionally somebody will mistake Ruby for a boy. Usually when she's wearing something kind of... well, boyish. I know that when babies are not wearing PINK or BLUE, it can be hard to tell sometimes. It's not as if she's got hair long enough to put into ponytails.

I usually don't care too much about it.

But today, someone went so overboard with it that I think even Ruby was annoyed.

Today is Game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs for Ruby's favorite hockey team (Canucks) and so when we went out today Ruby wore her retro hockey jersey (with a red frilly shirt underneath) and red pants.

And some ass in the produce store said this:

Ass: Awww, would you look at that cute little guy.

I turn around to look at him to correct him but I don't get a chance because he just goes off...

Ass: I should say look at that BIG guy. He's all ready for the Canucks game tonight isn't he? He's going to grow up to be a BIG BOY! Isn't that right, fella? You should play hockey when you get older. You would be a good DEFENCEMAN.

So not only does she look like a boy but she's a brute too? I know those jerseys are never very figure flattering on chicks, but seriously?

Personally, I would feel kinda bad taking my little boy out with a pink pacifier in his mouth and pink painted toenails but whatever.

Head out of your ass, buddy. That was obnoxious.

4 Months Old

The past month has absolutely flown by. And even though it feels like it went by so fast, I feel like Ruby has changed SO MUCH in that time. She's doing different things everyday. Her personality is emerging. She's GROWING! It's crazy.


This coming month I am vowing to do both her and I a favor by letting/asking other people (Steve or my mom) to help me out with her. She may even have a sleepover at Grandma's house in the coming weeks. I think we're both at the stage where that would be ok. (But you know I'm going to read every piece of literature the internet has to offer on the subject first.)


Now without further ado... the 4 month old pictures (just in time as I hear her rousing from her now famous 30 minute nap):