Happy Birthday, Ruby

We interrup the regularly scheduled whining to bring you something different.  

My daughter, my angel.

She turned two today. 

Today is a special and very happy day.



Big First

Ruby took her first unassisted steps tonight.

She's been walking around while holding onto furniture for a while but tonight she let go of the furniture and took a couple of steps on her own.

Wow. I am amazed at how special this is to me and how amazing it feels. One year ago I didn't have a clue how cool and rewarding this life would be.

Don't blink

All you ladies out there who have recently had babies, or who are going to have one soon?
Here's my advice: Don't blink.

Because this can happen in the blink of an eye:

Ruby graduated from the travel (and oh so convenient) carseat today to a "big girl" carseat.

But I was pretty sure that it was only a week or so ago that I brought her home from the hospital! She seemed like such a tiny little peanut in that big, cavernous carseat.

Bullets, because that's easiest

* Quincy's gone to her new home. We took her to my inlaws last Thursday. (Have I mentioned that they live an hour away?). When we left she didn't follow us to the door like she normally would. It was like she knew she was staying.

* My MIL has been sending me regular email updates on Quincy. Everyone is doing great! She commented on how well behaved Quincy is, which is a compliment to me. They are getting out and taking her all kinds of places. She's met the neighbors and neighbor's dogs and she played nice with them. She's fallen into a little routine already too. It makes me feel so good to know that it's going this well already.

* Ruby fell off my bed on Saturday. My bed is the only place that Ruby has really good long naps. I laid her down on Saturday when she was super fussy and blockaded her in with pillows. I watched her until she nodded off and then I left the room. About 2 minutes later I heard a THUMP. And then screaming. I rushed in with my heart in my throat to find her on the floor with a huge goose egg on her forehead. She's fine but it did a number on both of us. She wasn't herself all day, and neither was I.

* After Steve got off work on Saturday we drove 3 hours to meet up with my BIL and his girlfriend, to camp... Fuck, why do I do this to myself? Camping with a bunch of people who have never had kids, who drink too much, and me with my 7.5 month old baby - is just NOT FUN for me! It's not relaxing, it's not enjoyable. I can't (nor do I want to) drink like they do - especially while caring for Ruby (who happened to be cranky). I am always on guard and tense about everything going on around me. I worry about Ruby and keeping her safe and comfortable and not cranky. And then of course I seem like a wet blanket. It really and truly sucks ass. After this last trip I vow to never pretend to want to do it again in the name of trying to be a "fun" person - I'm fun enough in other areas of life, catch me in one of my other departments.

* And wouldn't you know it, Ruby cut her first tooth while we were camping. I'm happy that one finally came through (she's been cranky and suffering the past month or more), but what bad timing for it to happen on the camping trip. Gaaaahhhhd!

* We are currently in a major heat wave with no end in sight. I don't do well with the heat. It's so gross and I just feel disgusting and miserable. Ruby seems to take after me in this department as she's SUPER cranky and whiny. Or is that from the teething? Or is it a combo? She's been wearing nothing but a diaper since we got home from camping but still she's always soaking wet from sweat and she's developing a heat rash. The only room in our house that has A/C is our bedroom so I try to spend a bunch of time with her in there every day to try to keep cool. But there's only so much to do in a 12x14 room. Lord help us.

* Here's a picture of Ruby fishing with her Dad on our camping trip... I got a few good pictures so I guess it couldn't have been all bad:

Eating, teething, rolling

I mentioned a few posts back that I had tried Ruby on rice cereal and that it caused her a rash so I stopped. Well, it turns out it wasn't the rice cereal causing the rash! It was this different soap that I tried on her. I didn't put it all together until the rice cereal was stopped and the rash was gone and I tried the soap again and she broke out really bad. So we're going back to the rice cereal soon, because she liked it. But first I want/need to buy a highchair, so I'm currently researching and polling people about good highchairs. Anyone have one that they *love*?

Ruby is yet to sprout any actual teeth, but oh my is she ever teething. The drool, the red cheeks, the extra puke, the ear pulling, the mouth fisting, and the baaaaaad mood... All pretty good indicators that some teeth are on the way. When they'll actually show up is anybody's guess.

Yesterday she rolled over from her tummy to her back for the first time. I made her do it 3 times in a row to make sure it wasn't a fluke. I was so proud that I was bursting with tears, which I realize is kind of silly but whatever. It's the small things.

MD Summary

Mother's Day was fine. I didn't get spoiled or pampered to the extent that some other women did but I'm ok with that. I feel very lucky that I get to celebrate Mother's Day at all, and especially lucky that Ruby is my reason for celebrating the day. I did a lot of reflecting on how I got to be a mom, and enjoying every minute with my sweetie-pie.

Steve bought Ruby a special shirt to wear for Mothers Day and I got cards from Ruby, Steve and my in-laws. We also went out for a really good sushi lunch (oh I loves me some gooood sushi). Then we spent the afternoon at my parents house while my mom fussed over Ruby. Steve and my Dad cooked a roast on the BBQ. I sipped a couple of light coolers outside in the sunshine. My brother stopped by for a visit with his fiance and kids. The kids picked me a couple of dandelions for Mother's Day, which I proudly wore behind my ear.

Pretty good day.

No breakfast in bed, no spa day, no big bouquet of flowers, no extra pampering... but do those things really matter? (Yes, they would have been a nice touch but...) In the end I have all that really matters:

PS: The other bonus is that this sets the bar for a fairly easy Father's Day...

Giving shots, taking shots

Ruby had her 4 month immunization shots today. I had been dreading it for the past week, increasingly so yesterday and today. It's never a pleasant experience to have to take your baby to something that you know is going to hurt them (even if it is for the good of their health), and you would think that the health nurses should know this and maybe lay the fuck off with the ignorant, unsolicited advice.

Bitter? Why yes, I am.

I had no questions for the health nurse regarding Ruby. I have no complaints about Ruby. She's a great baby. She's healthy. We're happy. So give us the stupid needles and we'll get on with our day. We're busy people. We've got things to do.

But it seemed that she was looking for something to lecture about, some reason to spout off all her "valuable knowledge". So she started asking me questions.

She asked about Ruby's doctor, and I told her that Ruby doesn't currently have a doctor - my family doctor closed his practice while I was pregnant and during my pregnancy I was cared for by a midwife. The midwife then cared for Ruby until she was 8 weeks old and since then I have had no reason to take her to a doctor since she's been perfectly healthy.

So that started her first lecture. Apparently I need to find Ruby a doctor ASAP because when she DOES get sick I will have to scramble around to get her records.

Oh but I already have all her records with me - the midwife provided me with copies.

Still, she insisted that I find a doctor and take Ruby to him/her ASAP. Even if nothing is wrong with her. Ok. Fine. I will. (For the record I have been poking around for a new doctor. I just haven't found one yet, but I know I eventually need to - there's just been no rush.)

Then we got on about the breastfeeding. This is where I need to be a better liar and just answer "yes" to the question, "Are you breastfeeding?", because we got the same lecture we always do:

You're pumping? Why are you doing that?

So I explained the breastfeeding situation and how we got to where we are today... Which sent her into a tirade about how my milk is probably going to dry up (Ha! Nice try! I already had another health nurse try that one on me two months ago. She said that when I reached 3 months my milk would likely dry up if I didn't stop pumping and start breastfeeding exclusively. At 4 1/2 months I am still going strong and have an abundance of milk. Freezer is FULL, thank you very much.) Then she said that Ruby is old enough and strong enough now that she should be taking the breast and not a bottle. And that she would like to refer me to a lactation consultant.

I told her that we are happy the way we are right now, so no thank you. (Seriously, it's been 4 1/2 months now. As if I'm going to start that shit up all over again when we're quite content with where we're at now. Get over it, Health Nurse!)

But she continued on to say that if I change my mind (and clearly I should) that I should call and let her know because health nurses are very resourceful and very helpful.

Great. I'll keep that in mind. Don't hold your breath for my call, though.

Finally we got to the dreaded needles. And it was all the horror that I expected it to be. I had heard that the 4 month shots were worse than the 2 month ones and indeed they were. It really broke my heart to see Ruby hurt like that. Her little lip quivering, her eyes wide with shock and her little face going red before she burst into painful tears.

At that point I got a little emotional myself, and I tried my best to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I held a sobbing little Ruby to my chest and tried to console her.

And it was at that precise moment that this bitch went for the jugular...

"Has anyone told you about tummy time???"

Uh... Yes?!

"Because I notice she's got a bit of a flat head. Right now her head is still forming it's shape but do you realize that at some point that flat head is going to be irreversible? You might want to increase the time she's on her tummy and decrease the time she's laying on her back. Of course you should always be in the room when she's doing tummy time."

Oh really? So I should stop leaving her laying on her back, unattended all day while I smoke crack and turn tricks in the back shed???

Fuck off already!

That one stung for some reason. Maybe it was because I was in such a vulnerable state at that very minute, or maybe it's because she TOOK A SHOT AT THE SHAPE OF MY BEAUTIFUL BABY'S HEAD, or maybe it was because that was the straw that broke the you-are-a-shitty-mommy camel's back.

When I got outside, I lost my shit. I stood under a tree with Ruby in her stroller staring at me like a freak, and I sobbed my pathetic little heart out. I continued to weep as we walked home. Steve called to ask how it went and I lost it again, and since he couldn't understand what I was saying he came and picked us up when I was halfway home.

I do not understand why these nurses insist on pushing the cookie cutter, by-the-book style of raising a baby? Do they not realize that everyone is different? Every baby, every mom, every dad, every situation is different? For them to go so overboard with their unsolicited, unwanted "advice" without knowing fuck all about me and my baby and my life really sends me over the edge.

YES, I DO realize that "breast is best" - but that doesn't always work out for everyone now, does it? I'm doing my best with my situation and I've made peace with that - a long time ago. So if I needed your help I would ASK for it! And YES, I DO realize that my baby will eventually need a family doctor and I am looking for one. But we're not the kind of people that go to the doctor every time someone coughs. There's been no need as of yet, but I assure you when there is a need, Ruby will be in good hands. And YES I DO know about tummy time (come on, she's 4 1/2 months old. How facetious of you to ask if anyone had told me about tummy time - ignorant), and YES I DO realize her head isn't perfectly shaped - this happened very early on and I have her up and off her head most of the day unless she is sleeping.

Now I know why she left her office door open during the whole visit. It was so that I resist the strong urge to launch across the room and kick the shit out of the self righteous little bitch. I couldn't do it with the door open, too many witnesses.

4 Months Old

The past month has absolutely flown by. And even though it feels like it went by so fast, I feel like Ruby has changed SO MUCH in that time. She's doing different things everyday. Her personality is emerging. She's GROWING! It's crazy.


This coming month I am vowing to do both her and I a favor by letting/asking other people (Steve or my mom) to help me out with her. She may even have a sleepover at Grandma's house in the coming weeks. I think we're both at the stage where that would be ok. (But you know I'm going to read every piece of literature the internet has to offer on the subject first.)


Now without further ado... the 4 month old pictures (just in time as I hear her rousing from her now famous 30 minute nap):

"Special" birthday

Anyone who's been through fertility treatments knows that there is little or no romance when it comes to conception. Because of this, there is no romantic or funny story about how Ruby was concieved. It happened in a petri dish (or whatever the embryologists are using these days). And it didn't even take place inside my body. In fact, Steve and I were not even in the room when she was concieved... sounds strange doesn't it?

Does that matter? No. Because in the end a little piece of me and a little piece of him came together and the most beautiful little being that we could have ever hoped for was created.

I suppose you could say that a "bonus" of getting pregnant via IVF is that you know the exact day (you might even know the exact time) that conception occurred. And that date was one year ago today.

So I've named March 25th, Ruby's "special" birthday. And I plan on celebrating it every year.

In commemoration of her special birthday, I bought a new charm to wear on the charm bracelet that my mom gave me for giving birth to Ruby. It's a little angel - which I saw as perfectly fitting. And Steve bought an "R" charm to sit beside the angel charm as well. And every time I look at that little angel charm I will remember this special day and think of all the blood, sweat and tears that it took to have her little life created, and how it was all worth it, a billion times over.

I will also be celebrating the day by smooshing and snuggling and kissing and hugging her all day long - or as much as she will allow...

3 Months

My little jewel is 3 months old today!

Could I convince you that this was Ruby's attempt at a supermodel pose?


(Instead of what it really was - which was her needing a nap and being uncooperative with the "photographer"?)

Night #3 = success again (but less sleep for me)

So just quickly - last night we stayed at my mom's house. Kind of a trial run for those times when I want a night out or a night off and I leave her there overnight.

She has her own room at my mom's, with a playyard for a bed - which she's never slept in before. I was worried it might screw things up with her sleeping in her own room/crib.

In actuality, she slept better than she ever has. Ever.

She fell asleep around 9pm and didn't wake up again until 8 hours later.

Oh yes, this would have been absolutely delightful - if I hadn't been up every hour after 1am checking on her to make sure she was still breathing.

Today, I am completely exhausted and feeling rotten.

So now that we're home again I ask (beg) Ruby for a repeat, and this time I plan on taking full advantage of it and sleeping through the night as well.

Immune

Ruby had her first set of immunization shots yesterday.

I had some pretty bad anxiety about it. I hate it when she cries. I hate it when she's sad. I didn't want her to feel pain and look at me and think I was the cause of it. I was afraid she'd be inconsolable. I was pretty sure I was going to break down and cry when it all went down.

Sitting in the waiting room at the health office, I could hear horrific baby screams periodically coming from behind different closed doors. I saw mom's carrying their babies out from those torture chambers and the babies faces were all red and wet and they looked bewildered and they were either whimpering or still crying.

When the nurse came out and called for Ruby I felt my heart speed up.

Ruby was sleeping when we got there and she stayed asleep when I undressed her chubby little thighs. The nurse warned me that she would cry - and cry harder with each needle (there were 3 in total). That bitch made me hold her leg out while she jabbed her with 3 different needles that I was pretty sure were going to skewer her legs.

Ruby woke up - looked at the nurse and said, "Lady, is that all you've got? Pfft! Please! Don't waste my time with this shit!", and then went back to sleep.

Seriously.

Ok, maybe she didn't say those words exactly - but she did wake up for the first needle, cry out, fall back asleep. Wake up for second and third needle, cry a little louder - and then fall right back to sleep. Slept for the 15 minutes we had to stay in the waiting room afterwards. Slept all the way home. Continued to sleep when we got home.

When she woke up about an hour later and fussed a little, I thought that I was going to be in for trouble then. But no, Ruby just wanted to lay on the floor and watch Ellen and giggle - she heard the Jonas Brothers were going to be on and she wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

Here's proof of a happy Ruby after her needles:

2 Months

Ruby is two months old today.























And just in case I haven't mentioned it, yes - my favorite color is red...

"mystery" solved

The great mystery of how Ruby fell off the couch has now been solved.

Steve was in the middle of a diaper change on the ottoman (I think that's what you'd call it) when he yelled for me to come into the room.

Here's what was going on:

She's rolling herself over from her back to her side. Makes perfect sense in regards to the "couch incident" since she was laying on her back on the couch and a minute later was laying on her tummy on the floor.

Note: You can also see how much hair she actally has. Too bad it's only on half of her head - it all fell out around the front so in most of her pictures she looks bald.

1 month old

I have probably read a hundred posts from moms who exclaim that their baby is already 1 month old and they can't believe how fast the time has gone.

I never really got it until now.

Really. The time does fly by. It does just seem like yesterday that I got home from the hospital. I can't believe that she's been with me for a month already.

On the other hand, it seems like FOREVER ago that I was pregnant - even though I felt like I was pregnant for ever.

I cannot possibly imagine any other life right now. Ruby has put my life into perspective. Nothing is as important as her. Nothing is as precious as her. And just when I think I couldn't possibly love her any more, I wake up the next day and I find myself loving her even more than I did yesterday.

And today, as if to celebrate her one month birthday, she gave ME a gift. She smiled at me.

Oh yes she did.

I thought she might have been giving the odd smile here and there over the past couple of days but I could never be sure. But today we went for a walk in her stroller and when we got home, I had her sitting in her carseat all content and alert and I was talking to her and she gave me a Big. Fat. Grin.

Undeniable. Unmistakable.

A big fat grin.

I cried and laughed at the same time. It was so awesome.

Later on, we had a little photoshoot. Here's Ruby at one month old:

(note: the pants are NOT rolled up. She's just so long legged!)

I managed to convince Quincy to sit in for a few pictures but she was really none too pleased. She's not all that crazy about Ruby just yet:

And then later she needed a nap. It's hard work being a supermodel: